It’s late—well, early. But this is an emergency. Kim it is.

‘Im, oh my God, are you OK? It’s 5 a.m.’

‘Sorry…think I’m dying…am I having a…heart attack?’ I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this.

‘It’s OK, you’re OK, deep breaths if you can. Where are you? At home? I think you’re having a panic attack. Do you have any intense shooting pain in your chest or arms?’

‘A little…my chest…’

‘Hon, can you breathe with me? In, count to four…You’re doing so well. Go slow, as slow as you can. You feel like you’re dying, you’re not dying, I promise! I used to get these doing exams.’

Miraculously, I feel a bit better. ‘Have you been out tonight?’ asks Kim. ‘Have you had any drugs or alcohol? I’m not judging, but if you’ve had an adverse reaction to anything we need to get you to the hospital.’

‘No, no. I’ve just been at home in bed.’

‘OK, that’s great, that’s really good news. Let’s do some more breathing. In, two, three, four…’ Kim’s kindness makes me want to cry all over again, but I feel a lot better. ‘Did anything bring this on, or did it just happen?’

‘I woke up like this!’ I say, and Kim laughs. I laugh too.

‘OK, good girl. It sounds like you’re on the mend.’

‘Kim, I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I honestly felt as though I might be dying, just then. It’s not the first time I’ve had something like that but…it was definitely the most severe. The most frightening. What do I do if it happens again? I can’t keep having these attacks, out of nowhere.’ But as my heartbeat starts to slow down, I think about that phrase. It did not come out of nowhere. This wasn’t a total shock. It felt more like a manifestation, a boiling over. Something I’ve been on the brink of for some time.

‘Anyone can see you’re stressed. When did you last see a doctor?’

I frown. ‘Maybe just before Christmas, I was working a lot, and I kept crying for no reason.’ That feels like a strange thing to share with Kim, but it’s slipped out now. I’d picked up some extra bar shifts, and it was hard to fit them in with the factory. I went to an emergency walk-in clinic, hoping for a magic prescription to get me through the month. The doctor rolled his eyes and suggested that I try a yoga class.

Kim pauses. ‘You could probably do with some time off,’ he says, finally.