But, whether we liked it or not, and I was certain only Sage liked it, we soon found ourselves in the middle of the rink, about to do whatever it was we were about to do. The other teams—four of them—had gathered in the center as well, and the rest of the crowd kind of did this slow skate around the circumference of the floor, eyeing us up as they did. It felt a little weird and ritualistic. And I guess we were the sacrificial lambs to the slaughter.

“Brick House” started playing, and to my surprise, out onto the rink rolled two familiar figures—Alma and Joe—both with gigantic smiles on their faces. As they skated around us and greeted the folks along the edge of the rink, everyone seemed to go nuts. Joe’s wiry, lean body was fitted with his requisite short shorts and a mesh tank top that showed off a pretty damn tight chest for an older guy. A shimmering purple dress shifted around Alma’s body, fluttering up to reveal bright red underpants over silver tights. Her head was wrapped in a glittery scarf.

Once the two of them had made one round to greet the crowd, they began to skate in earnest, holding hands and gaining speed. The crowd’s volume rose the faster Alma and Joe skated. I couldn’t believe how fluid and fast they were, and then my astonishment grew when they started to bounce and shake and hop and groove to the music. Joe’s hamstrings were a wonder. Alma’s hips were a miracle.

We had to follow this?

As the music faded, Alma skated over to the DJ, who passed her a mic.

“Disco lovers! Welcome to the Stardust Roller Rink and our weekly Roll-and-Bounce Dance-Off! I’m Alma Gonna-Get-You and this is my love, Jumpin’ Joe. And if you’re here, it’s ’cause you love bumpin’ and grindin’ as you’re rollin’! Tonight we have special guests, and I know you’ll make them feel adored. Let’s hear it for one of our local roller derby teams, the Killa Honeys, and their newly anointed little honeybees!” She winked at me and Joe waved in a practical frenzy. I was surprised they could recognize me in this getup. I half-heartedly waved back. I guessed they were the “connections” Kat had.

At Alma’s announcement, the crowd skating around us clapped and hooted, which somewhat lessened the eeriness of their circular, down-tempo rotation. But not by much.

The other teams drifted away from the center of the rink and Alma came over to whisper to us, “When the music starts, so do you—just roll with it!” Then she gave my earlobe a squeeze and glided off to the side of the rink, Joe following her, with more grace in her left knee than I had in my entire body, which became evident in the next few seconds.