I quickly lost focus on Shanti and got sucked into the track action, though. In all the sports and stuff I’d ever participated in, I’d never seen anything like it. Nothing so brutal but also full of finesse. Skateboarding could be quick and fluid, full of sweet bails. And I loved that it was just me and my board—I didn’t have to depend on anyone else.

But this… watching all these people smash into each other and wipe out… I felt like I was watching a perfect opportunity to collect dark, deep bruises across my skin. For once, surrounding myself with other people might actually work in my favor. All that pain, aimed toward me. No time to think or feel or remember. Just jabs across my skin to keep my focus there and only there. As I watched the skaters elbow, coast, dig, jump, and thrust themselves around the track, my heart matched their pace.

I needed this.

“What do you have to do to get on a team?” I asked, without letting my eyes leave the bout, and as casually as possible, given my heart rate.

I could feel Shanti shift her gaze to me. “You want to try it?”

She sounded surprised, so I turned to her now. Something—maybe disappointment?—seemed to tug at her eyes.

“Yeah, it looks savage. I think I’d love it.” I know I would.

She brought her hands out of her pockets and gripped the thick rope in front of her. Facing the looping skaters, she said, “This is just an exhibition match. So if you wanted to, you could still try out, I guess.”

“Great. When? Where? What do I need?” My mind was already racing with all the possibilities—I’d need to be a blocker, obviously. And I’d be the baddest blocker out there. Ruthless. Fearless. I could show everyone that I was tough as hell and gather bruises by the dozens. My hips would be weapons. My arms and legs would be coated in purple.

“I can text you the info. But… are you sure? It can be pretty brutal. Fun—but brutal.”

As if to demonstrate Shanti’s point, two skaters flew off the track, tumbled over each other, and rolled to a stop near our feet. They pushed at each other on the ground, and everyone in our area cheered, including me.

After they’d untangled themselves and raced back to the track, I turned to Shanti. “I’m pretty used to brutal, don’t worry. It’s my specialty,” I said, flushed with excitement.

She considered me for a moment. I guess she thought that was a weird thing to say, but I didn’t care. “Okay… well, this jam just ended. I should get out to the bench. I’m supposed to be… keeping stats.” She pulled out her phone.

Stats? Really? For roller derby?