“It’s everything you were made for, Daya!” They giggled like a little kid. “I just saw this flyer today for a bout and haven’t been in ages. You should defs come—you’ll love it.”

Fee’s giggling created a tiny crack in the heavy cement of my chest.

“That sounds cool.” From the little I knew of roller derby, it involved a lot of serious contact. My tired brain slowly whirred to life and began to process the possibilities. Skateboarding had provided me with plenty of chances to bang myself around and toughen myself up, but the past twenty-four hours were making me think it wasn’t enough anymore. I needed something else. Putting myself in the midst of a bunch of other people who maybe loved to smash themselves around as much as I did seemed full of potential, and I was desperate to find something that would keep all the memories, voices, feelings in check. “Yeah, sure, let’s do—”

“Great! Pick you up in an hour.”

The crack widened enough to let in a small pocket of excitement.

When Fee and Caihong (Fee’s girlfriend) arrived at the park, I climbed into the back of the car and waved to Cai, who I’d met a number of times by now. I’d first seen her when she came by the skate park to meet up with Fee, and I’d been as intimidated as hell. She was only a couple of inches shorter than Fee, with loose, long black hair, a glinting nose piercing, and a curvy body that seemed to move in waves like water. Everything about her seemed so fluid and easy and peaceful. I could see why Fee had been drawn to her.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t a shit show when Fee introduced us. Cai communicated using American Sign Language—but that wasn’t the part that threw me for a loop. It was the fact that she was stunning and confident. I stumbled over my words as Fee translated for me and fumbled my skateboard so it almost fell across Cai’s foot. My absurdity at the time may have also contributed to why Fee thought I liked girls—they’d watched the whole thing, amused—but I don’t think it’s so unusual to be nervous around someone like Cai. Since then, however, I’d figured out how to be a less ridiculous version of myself around her without hurting anyone.

After they’d both graciously accepted a rumpled and sweaty teenager into their back seat, Cai signed something to me. Fee translated, as they mostly did, though I’d picked up a few signs over the past months. “Cai says, ‘Hey, girl—how’re those kickflips and whatevers coming along?’ ” Both Cai and Fee were twenty-two but already seemed like an old married couple.