After the bout, the energy in the changing room had completely shifted from before. The room remained mostly quiet, except for the intermittent rasping sound of Velcro being torn apart. The smell of sweat hung hot and sticky around us. A friend had driven Lena to the hospital to get her knee checked out at the medic’s suggestion. I couldn’t help but feel everyone throwing glances my way, and I tried to keep my head down. One pair of eyes I noticed wasn’t in the room was Shanti’s.

The urge to slam my hand against the bench was so strong I thought I’d explode from resisting it.

A few minutes in, a different explosion occurred. Kat erupted into the changing room and stormed right over to me, commanding, “Stand up, rook.”

I looked up at her. Was I scared of her? Definitely. Was I going to let her treat me like a little kid even if I felt like a complete fuckup right now? No effing way. I pushed down any feelings of remorse I had and mustered up a defiant shield.

“Pardon?”

“I said, get your ass up. You owe this whole fucking team an apology.”

“What?”

She bent over at the waist and stared me straight in the eye. “Are. You. Listening.”

I heard Charlotte say, “Kat…” but then stop.

I just glared back at her, every muscle in my body tensing into concrete.

“Your bullshit just cost us that bout and probably the rest of Lena’s season. That calls for an apology, don’t you think? To your team? You know… your team.”

The sensation of wetness in my eyes made me furious. I didn’t want Kat to see, so I leaned down to undo my laces. I was sorry. But I was also fucking mad. And disgusted with myself. And about to detonate.

“Are you serious right now?” Kat was practically on top of me, but I still refused to look at her. She wasn’t going to see the weakness pooling in my eyes.

“Kat, let’s all just take a breath.” This was Charlotte. I could see her sweaty-socked feet beside Kat’s skates.

“Charlotte, do not get in the middle of this—”

“Actually, I will, because I am, and because you’re too in the middle of it.”

Charlotte’s feet inched closer. “This is not the right time for all of this. Let’s just cool our jets and come back to it.”

Kat’s skates stayed put for a full five seconds and then skated away. I let go of a breath I’d been holding. Charlotte crouched so I couldn’t avoid her face anymore, even though I still tried.

“Daya, shit happens on the track. Don’t get in your head about it, okay?” She knocked my knee with her knuckles and went back to changing.

I swallowed back whatever was trying to vacate my chest.

Shit happens when you cause it.