“I called them. Kat was furious with me, but we needed help. Kat was working her ass off, and I’d started working too, but we barely made enough to live on our own. Kat tried to stop them from coming, but Nana insisted. When they got here, though, Kat refused to move in with them.”

“Why didn’t you just go on your own?”

Shanti shrugged and squished her lips over to one side. “She’s my sister. She rescued me. I couldn’t just leave her.”

I stared at her lips as she said it. Right. And now you feel like you owe her, even though she can be a jerk.

She must have read my face. “You still think I put up with too much from her. I get it. But her love just looks a little different, Daya. You’ve seen it. Family—the team—it’s everything to her because it’s all she has. So if anyone else threatens that, she goes into fight mode. And sometimes I guess she feels like I’m a threat to myself because I’m not strong, like her. So she gets frustrated with me. It’s not perfect and I don’t always let her get away with it, but I know it comes from a place of love.”

Does it? I tried to believe her and nodded, but something about this imperfect love felt too close to home. Like wanting someone to be strong because you loved them also justified being hard on them. Thatha’s voice slipped through my mind. If you show them weakness, Daya, they win. You must be better, stronger.

She contemplated me for a moment. “What about you?”

“What about me what?”

“Some people might say you’re in fight mode… once in a while.” She tugged gently at my earlobe. “Where does that come from?”

Despite her annoyingly cute gesture, I felt my shoulders hitch up at what felt a little too much like a therapy question. “I don’t know,” I lied.

Her eyebrows rose.

“I don’t.” She could see right through me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to ruin this time with her by talking about my “issues,” nor was I ready to look too closely at the answers to her question. I knew looking meant finding, and finding meant pulling up too many memories, too much hurt. That part was still too scary.

“Okay.” She placed her hands on either side of my face. “I’m not going to force you to talk to me… right now. But I already have one important person in my life who refuses to talk about her feelings. I’d love it if you weren’t the second, ’cause…” A hand slipped to my arm. She leaned in close, kissed me softly on the neck, then whispered into my ear, “I kinda dig you, ya know?”