In the first picture, Jihyun is younger than ten. He looks as though he just popped a cherry candy into his mouth. His lips are red, his cheeks are plump, and his eyes are glowing in sweet ecstasy. In the next picture his eyes look the same— large and pretty with his creaseless eyelids—but his facial structure has elongated. His skin tone is so light to the point that he looks translucent.

Looking at these pictures I start wondering: how does a person show improvement with age? People say one matures with time, but how does it manifest? Does the energy in one’s eyes change? Does one grow more considerate toward others? Does one show more humility? More self-control? Become more patriotic? As I age, will I become more patient and cultivate a loving attitude toward others? Will I become selfless? Will that really happen just because of age? I remember the day my high school principal retired. It was a particularly hot day and the sun was blazing. During the retirement ceremony the students were told to stand in an open field with no shade, while the principal, and only the principal, got an awning over his head. He went on and on about his accomplishments. People like to say that teaching is a selfless and noble vocation, but he seemed pretty self-absorbed, oblivious to the students’ wish for his speech to end so we could clap a bit and head back into the classroom. I don’t even remember that oblivious asshole’s name. What does it mean to become a “grown-up?” How does one go about doing that, growing up? Will I just become like my parents? I’d like to know if I can actually become a better person. Will I survive long enough to look back at my life and reflect on it fondly?

The last picture, hung closest to the kitchen, is from Jihyun’s high school graduation. He is surrounded by a crowd and looks sullen and unhappy with a bouquet of flowers in his arms. It’s as though he doesn’t want to graduate. His parents are standing on either side of him, forcing a painfully awkward smile. It’s in this picture I start noticing his familiar melancholy look. Is this when his parents started talking about separating?

“Stop examining the pictures so closely. You’re making me feel self-conscious.”

“Whatever, you look so cute in all these pictures.”

“Try this.” Jihyun, scratching his head, passes a white plate with a toast topped with melted cheese, marbled white and yellow.

I bite into it and exclaim: “This is so good! So warm and moist … I think I smell acacia flower honey? What’s in it?” I grab the toast with both hands and messily devour it.