We set up the foldable table to eat ramen together, but one guy said he’d already eaten and instead of joining us opened a book on the floor, and started rambling away. Words like “gender,” “sexual minority,” “social class,” “proletariat,” and “anarchists” were being thrown around. I couldn’t swallow any of it—not the ramen, nor the kimchi, but especially not these words that felt heavy like lead candies. Fucking hell. I hate these pretentious intellectual types. It’s gonna be rough if they talk like this all day.

“So, like, I have a … previous commitment. Goodbye.”

“What? Where are you going in the middle of the night? You have nowhere to go,” Jimin asked, perplexed.

I picked up my jacket anyway and fled the room. Picking at the crumpled heel of my shoe with my finger, I tried to think of a place I could go. I had nowhere, it was true. I felt lost.

I was squatting by the corner of the narrow alley for about thirty minutes when I saw a black cat with a perky tail walking along the brick fence. I meowed at him, but this Monsieur White Whiskers ignored me and kept going. I threw a pebble at him. After a while teenagers, probably middle schoolers, entered the alley. They were staggering and looked drunk. They were about to light their cigarettes, leaning against the fence, when their eyes met the pair of eyes belonging to a squirming heap in the darkness—me. They slowly backed away, tripping over trash cans, and ran out of the alley. Assholes, I wasn’t gonna bite. I swear I am not hostile-looking, nor am I the kind of trash who mugs children. I’m just a defeated youth, a scream, a lamentation thrust into the sky. I enjoy my excellent loser attitude. The squirming heap in the darkness whispered into my ear: You coward. What are you afraid of? Go on. Destroy yourself. You have the right to self-destruct. Good thing I wasn’t naive enough to be persuaded by nonsense like “a right to dream” or “a right to self-destruct.”

Arf arf arf. A dog emerged. Was today the Thursday when all the dogs and cats on this earth hang out together? I doubt it was God dropping him on my lap. Probably a UFO threw this dog out along the way. Holding the ugly dog, I walked out of the alley, into the street. The street felt warmer. The main street was brimming with people.