Why does everyone I love leave me? Why do they abandon me or drop dead? Tears start flowing uncontrollably. Fuck it, I wanna die too. I chew on my agony. Well, no, actually, what I’m chewing on is this cheese.

“Ugh, the worst thing a drunk woman can do is cry. My mom used to cry after a few glasses of soju too. Jesus. Didn’t know you were the type who cries. Here, drink this and sober up.” Eunyong hands me a glass of ice water. I gulp it down to choke down my wail. “How do you feel? Yeoul, you are skinnier than me, taller than me, and you get to go to college. If you cry and pity yourself, that’s just bullshit. Stop it! You’re a spoiled little bitch if you don’t stop crying.”

“That’s true.”

Eunyong curses, lies, and plays hooky fluently. She doesn’t seem like that on the surface. A lovely girl. But I won’t love anyone ever again. The people I love died because of my love—I know they are with me at all times, hovering around me. How many things are right next to me but can’t be seen? Like Proxima Centauri, the dark star nearest to Earth, this strange planet I stand on, but can’t be seen. Ghosts. Protective spirits. Devils. Devils with angels’ faces. All these confusing things. The invisible hands that constrict my throat. What the fuck are you rambling about? The couch shouts from the corner. The ashtray tries to get my attention. My darling, you were wonderful tonight, Eric Clapton on the wall winks at me. I sense that someone is waiting for me behind the wall.

“I miss you,” I mutter.

“Who are you talking to?” Eunyong grabs my shoulder and shakes impatiently.

“None of your business. You have no idea. You don’t have to know everything.”

“I know what’s going on. You like him, don’t you?”

“Who?”

“Who? Of course I mean the dentist.”

“Haha, whatever. Imagine away! I gotta lie down.” I hit my head on the table, and rub my cheek.

“He seems to like you too. I am good at reading men. He has money and he seems nice. So get him! Sink your claws in.”

“Get him? Am I a cat and him a mouse or something?”

“Okay. Hear me out. I got the art of seduction down. I’m gonna teach you a thing or two. Hey! Don’t fall asleep. Wake up, Yeoul. Shit. We drank too much. We need to replace what we drank. Where’s the money, Yeoul? I’ll go to the supermarket.”

“It’s in the kitchen drawer.”