“Why are you acting so sullen, like I dragged you here? You’re too skeptical of every gesture.” Nobody had ever told me I was too skeptical. I consider it a fault of mine that I trust others too much.

“You got it wrong. Sol, you’re the one who’s being outrageous. You prepared the whole Jesa ritual!4 I don’t believe in that kind of stuff, and I hate that kind of ritualistic crap. I just wanted to visit Sunbe’s hometown and touch the river where Sunbe used to swim and fish.”

“Yes. Also the place where we scattered her ashes. And you!You ate a handful of her ashes before we scattered them. I saw you sneaking it. Your lips got ashy. Do you think she’ll live inside you forever now?”

Sol starts trembling as if she was freezing. Her lips are blue, and her hair, wet from the sleet, covers her tiny face. I take the jul, bowing deeply twice in the direction of the river. My teeth chatter. In the distance, I hear a loud crack, like the sound of a tree breaking. Sol mumbles, as if reciting a spell or a blessing.

“I’m gonna go now. What about you?” Sol asks me, frowning like she is about to freeze to death.

“I told you not to go to Sunbe’s place!”

“Who said I’m going to her place? I’m going to my place. In Hadong. I’m going to stay with my parents during the break and move into the dorm at the end of the month.”

As we pass by the riverbank, I turn to look behind me. Sol taps a dead-looking tree trunk. “This is a jujube tree. Even when the spring comes, it doesn’t sprout. It too is skeptical of everything, so only after all the other trees have sprouted and blossomed will it slowly push out its new leaves.”

“I can tell that you’re insinuating something. Forget it. Just give me a light.” After lighting the cigarette between my lips, I look at the watch on my wrist. It’s the dead watch Jimin Sunbe gave me. My watch may be dead, but time keeps on going.

“Yeoul, can I ask you a favor? Please don’t smoke at my place.”

“What are you talking about? Who said I’m going to your place?”

“No, I mean, well … I’m just saying … let’s go home together. You’re so broke, you’re practically homeless. Come to Hadong with me. Please?”

Sol leans in and tries to wrap her arm around my shoulder, but she’s too short—shorter than an average middle schooler—so she hops. I lift my arm and pause, but eventually wrap it around Sol’s shoulder. We walk askew, like they’re the first steps we’ve ever taken.