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Back Before My Actual Heart Breaks Save as PDF
Chapters (48)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 2007
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 1973
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 1982
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. 1998
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 2004
  37. 28
  38. 29
  39. 30
  40. 31
  41. 32
  42. 33
  43. 2007
  44. 34
  45. 35
  46. 36
  47. Acknowledgements
  48. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

–  God is watching you, child. He hears everything. You’re never truly alone. Never forget that. He has eyes everywhere.

5

I had just stopped rattling after The Bronchitis when Auntie Eileen told me I would be looking after Bernie on Saturdays. The thing was, she’d only gone and got herself a job in Crawford’s the newsagent. I nodded through the blue smoke she puffed out from her Embassy Regal and the joy shining in her eyes. I was her best hope of freedom before she went off her rocker. She needed the money and the craic and the company before she took Bernie and headed for the deep water of the River Cloon with rocks in her pockets, ha ha ha.

Kathleen wasn’t so sure – it’s not safe to leave Bernie here, she said – but Auntie Eileen was full of plans. She was going to rope Mick in too and pay the both of us with sweets, as many sweets as we could eat!

She reminds me that Bernie is a china doll; she’s delicate and in need of careful handling. If she has the odd accident or some such, don’t be bad to her, just remember she wouldn’t hurt a fly and if there’s sweets she’s to have as many as she wants as long as they’re not toffees. A strawberry bonbon got stuck in her once – Bernie, not the T.R.A.M.P. – and she had to be rushed to hospital. Hospitals must have bloody little to bother them these days, Mammy had said when she got back, wasting time on a wayne who will never be able to serve Good Holy God’s purpose.

Kathleen is still not sure I’m the best girl for the job. Bernie is more than delicate and she is hard to watch, she says. What if something goes wrong? What if Mammy has to be called? We need to make sure that nothing else happens to Mary!

I was dreaming about the jars and jars of lovely-coloured sweets lining the shelves at Crawford’s right up to the ceiling. I kept my eyes on the pinks and purples, the reds and greens of pear drops, rosy apples, kola kubes and fruit rocks. My mouth filled with spit at the thought of them being handed to me in a brown bag with twisted paper ears on the side.

–  Sure, what could go wrong? says Eileen, lighting another fag with the butt of the first one. Sadie’ll have no part in it, the bad-tempered auld F.U.C.K.E.R.! Mary’ll do grand, won’t you, my wee Mary Moo?

I nodded and peeled another toffee.