I thought of Lizzie Magee sitting in her gilded empty nest and rattled my brains to figure out why I had ever been envious. I had five children, five green hills, eighty good acres and time enough left to put things a bit more right with the world. It never does to give up on God!

Lizzie had asked me on the phone what I had expected? She didn’t know the full extent of my reunion with Joe Loughrey. I would never tell her. I would never tell anyone. I could hardly say the words to myself.

What had I expected? Joe Loughrey hadn’t got away – he’d been banished. He’d lost everything he’d known overnight in much the same way I had. I didn’t feel sorry for him or for anything he had suffered. All my debts to him were paid in full. I was a clean slate.

32

John Johns has finally called. I was feeling stronger. I was clearer in my mind than I had been for years. The fever burned a loftful of fluff from between my ears. I knew what I wanted. Now all I had to figure out was how to get it. I was sitting up against my pillows when Auntie Eileen brought the phone in. Her face is straight, no fake smile or worrying frown, but I know her too well. When it’s really bad news she hangs a fag on her bottom lip to waste no time in getting it lit. I’m still holding the phone when I hear her strike a match just outside the bedroom door. I clear my throat and try to stop feeling sick. I must make sure there’s no wobble in my voice when this is the first time I’ve spoken to my husband in over two weeks.

I had good news, if I could get it delivered! I wanted to be his, I wanted him to be mine! He’d be delighted with my change of heart, surely? Catherine was gone, Joe Loughrey might well have never existed. We couldn’t go on like this, a man and a woman only bound together under a patchwork quilt? We could be equals, we could try talking to each other, we could live out our days in the beauty of Johns Farm.