Daddy carried me back from the barn. Why didn’t you tell me the waynes knew about the wee crayturs, Sadie? Why wasn’t I told? His voice cracked and his body shook but she didn’t answer him, she was busy making the tea. He was a cissy and no mistake, crying over a handful of rotten cats, pah! She pulled me out of his arms and threw me into the back pantry. I landed on the cold concrete beside the enamel buckets of apples and damsons and all I could think about was their wet little bodies lying still on the straw. I cried myself out in the musty smell from the fruit skins.

I was on fire by the time she remembered about me the next day but she didn’t call Doctor Loughrey until a whole week went by. I had The Bronchitis, he said. I went down like a ton of bricks, said Auntie Eileen. She’d never seen a wayne so sick. It was thought the fever would break but it didn’t because I am stubborn.

–  This child must be kept better, the doctor said. She’s too thin, Mrs Rattigan, too thin by far. She’ll have to have a jab now to try and bring her temperature down or she’s for Omagh Hospital tomorrow.

–  If you weren’t made of such weak material, Mary Rattigan, she said to me when he slammed out in a filthy mood, our whole business wouldn’t have to be broadcast to all and sundry.

I hoped she wouldn’t find out about the scaredy dreams when the mammy cat clawed my face off. She was right to hurt me. I’d as good as killed those kittens myself. It’s hard to dig stuff like that up but I had to tell the truth to the priest.

I said the little cats got put in the bucket because of me. They drowned because of me. The mammy cat would be pure lonely now because of me. The doctor was called because of me. Daddy cried because of me – now he’s a cissy. Mammy hates him even more because of me.

–  So it was all my fault, Father. I should have known I would get caught.

–  Aren’t you one of Sadie Rattigan’s waynes?

–  Yes Father!

Mick said he wouldn’t know it was me! I didn’t want to be punished again. I’d learned my lesson. My mouth was dried up after all the talking. I could hear Father O’Brien sighing and rubbing his face somewhere in front of me and I prayed that it would soon be over. I needed to get back to The Hill, I had jobs. Mammy would be watching the clock. In the end he just handed out the penance and asked me to remember one thing. He sounded kind enough but it’s the one thing that scares me the most.