In the shadows he pushed my hair back with a kind of rough tenderness, staring at me silently for a moment. A terrible longing suffused me; a longing for what we’d once had. He leaned down and kissed me like he hadn’t in months. I felt myself start to dissolve.

‘Oh God, Mag,’ he groaned.

‘Isn’t the cab waiting? Your mum will be –’ I tried to concentrate as he pushed me against the wall and kissed me harder.

‘I don’t care,’ he murmured, running his hands up my body, ‘I just want to fuck you senseless.’

‘Alex,’ I gasped, hearing the cab beeping outside but suddenly desperate for him, for the Alex I had first known, ‘Alex, hang on.’ But I didn’t really mean it. ‘I don’t –’ I bit my lip as he yanked my jacket open, ‘I’m – what’s going on?’

‘Nothing.’ But he was edgy, slightly manic, his hands insistent as he slid one into my waistband. Pulling at his belt, his own breath was jagged as he tugged up my skirt, his fingers on the bare flesh above my hold-ups.

‘God, stockings and the lot,’ Alex muttered, and kissed me even harder, until my lips were almost hurting and I didn’t care any more, I was almost maddened with suppressed desire, desire thwarted recently by his unavailability. I felt a need for him more urgent than I’d ever felt, the ache caused by him habitually ignoring me suddenly as tender as a new bruise. My legs were actually trembling in my stilettos as he yanked me up and shoved me against the sink, fumbling at his own buttons. Impatient now, I reached down to help him as a huge black spider sidled from behind a leaf of the peace-lily on the windowsill. I gazed at it, but I didn’t really see it.

‘Oh God, Alex.’ I bit his earlobe gently with my teeth, wrapping my legs around him now. ‘Oh God, I love you –’

And then suddenly he stopped.

‘What?’ I pressed into him quite frantically, past the point of caring. ‘Don’t stop now, for God’s sake.’

Alex stepped back from me so suddenly that I nearly fell onto my knees, his eyes narrowing as he looked at me. ‘Stockings?’ He stared at me like he didn’t even know me. ‘For my mum’s party?’

‘What?’ I was confused, my mood already plunging. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Why are you all dressed up like that?’

‘For you. I was –’ I felt cheapened by his suspicion. ‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you, you know.’

‘Right.’ Alex chewed the nail of his middle finger. ‘And you expect me to actually believe that?’

‘It’s too hot for tights.’ I pulled my skirt down and started to button up my shirt, my fingers clumsy. ‘Sorry – what exactly are you trying to say?’