‘Alex!’ As usual it was me having to prop him up.

‘And I think Pa’s going to come good with the money, so I’ve got to keep him sweet.’ That boyish charm was oozing down the phone now. ‘Maggie, oh my beautiful Maggie,’ he coaxed, ‘you know how much Pa loves you. I can’t go without you. Don’t make me, baby.’

I could never resist him, that was the whole bloody problem. I pushed down my resentment. ‘I’m not sure about love, Al. ’

‘He loves you as much as he loves anyone. He knows when he’s met his match.’ Alex was fighting to keep the edge out of his voice now, and it was that plaintive tone that finally won me over.

I sighed. ‘I’ll come for a quick drink, okay?’

‘I’ll make it up to you, Maggie,’ he crowed. ‘I promise. I’ll pick you up at six.’

‘Just don’t get too drunk beforehand, okay?’ I pleaded, but he’d already gone.

I went to work with a heavy stone in my stomach. I was looking forward to seeing Alex, I always did when he’d been away, hoping for a return to the normality we’d once achieved. But I was painfully aware that once again I’d compromised myself for him. I despised myself for my weakness.

I spent the day shivering in the air-conditioned conference room of a chichi Covent Garden hotel, drinking cafetieres of gloopy coffee and eating fashionably small bits of fruitcake, brainstorming rubbish ideas. I felt like the great pretender as I smiled blankly at Sam and Joseph and the girls, trying to get enthused while listening to yet another take on the ‘Drop Renee into a situation alien to her’; ‘Swap Renee’s celebrity lifestyle with a crack-addicted hoodie’s’; ‘Swap Renee’s body for that of someone halfway attractive.’

Around five, I shot home to change, shrugging myself into the beautifully cut Prada suit Bel had steered me towards the week before in Selfridges; and into a rare pair of heels that only served to make me stagger slightly.

Just after six Alex arrived in a black cab, his eyes glittering in a way that alarmed even me. He’d promised he’d knocked the coke on the head last year, but I didn’t like the look of him tonight. He picked up his stack of post from the kitchen table and flicked through it. Then he pulled me into his arms and buried his head in the crook of my neck. His skin was hot against mine in this sultry night, and I felt the butterflies that still fluttered when things were good. The reason I’d failed to walk away yet.

‘God, I’ve missed you, Mag,’ he whispered in my ear. ‘You look amazing, baby.’

He rarely noticed how I looked these days.

‘Really?’ I blushed, stepping back, suddenly shy.

‘Yeah, really. Come here.’