‘Bel,’ Johnno’s tone was sharp, the trolley stacked high, ‘I know this is painful and all that, love, and your hair’s very important – but we’d really better get on. Have you got the passports?’

Bel patted her pockets rather vacantly. ‘’Spect they’re here somewhere. God, I haven’t even done my make-up.’

I clutched Hannah tighter. ‘Can’t she just stay with me?’ I whispered to Bel over Hannah’s shiny little head. ‘I’ll bring her out in a few months, I promise.’

Bel prised the little girl out of my arms and set her down by Johnno. ‘You’re as bad as her with those bloody guinea pigs.’ But my best friend’s eyes were full of tears now as she hugged me.

‘Christ, Bel, what am I going to do without you?’ I muttered.

‘Come with us,’ she said, and we were both crying now. ‘I’m serious. Why don’t you?’

‘I can’t. What about Gar? And Dad.’ Then I thought of Jenny. Of Alex. My life was changing slowly.

‘Bel!’ Johnno shouted.

‘All right, all right.’ She wiped her face fiercely and relinquished her hold.

‘Look after them, Johnno. They’re precious,’ I mumbled.

‘I will.’ He gave me a squeeze. ‘And you look after yourself, Maggie.’

Hannah ran at me and clutched my legs, her head buried in my jeans. I stroked her hair wordlessly until Johnno scooped her up.

‘Seriously, Maggie,’ Bel grabbed my hand and forced me to meet her eye, ‘take it easy, yeah? Remember the summer and stay strong. Remember you are strong.’

And then Johnno tugged Bel’s other hand gently and they began to move away. I stood and hugged myself, suddenly realising how cold I was, and I waved and waved as they retreated, and they turned and waved too, and I could see Bel was crying, and then they were gone, the little family, swallowed up by the crowd so I couldn’t see them any more. My family – gone.

Numb, I walked back to my car. I got in and stared blankly at the windscreen. Digby licked my hand several times valiantly – but I felt nothing. I watched the people come and go across the car park; waving goodbye, hugging hello. I saw people unloading, rushing, clinging on or desperate to cross the world to reach their loved ones. Goodbyes were anathema to me. I remembered my revelations to Seb that morning. I remembered my beloved mother. I buried my face in Digby’s springy back.

Goodbyes could only ever be poisonous.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four

I was in a world of my own when someone smacked the roof of my car. I’d been listening to the news, about the BBC faking a programme, while I waited for Seb in the airport car park.

‘Christ!’ I jumped, and locked all the doors immediately. Another knock. I craned round to see Seb grinning through the passenger window.