And then I remembered DI Fox and what he’d just said about Alex and one tear fell, plump and unstoppered, rolling down my cheek onto my knee, and then another followed. And I thought about that night in the summer and perhaps I should have known then, but I’d believed in him, in my beautiful, terrible Alex, even when it all went wrong. I’d taken my share of the blame because I had believed in his good, deep down. But obviously I’d been so wrong, so very, very wrong. I took a deep breath and staunched the tears.

When the soup came I made a show of eating it but there was still half a bowl left at the end. I drank the coffee and a glass of water to keep Seb happy, listening to him talk about the first night tomorrow and which critics they were hoping would come and how a big West End producer had already shown interest in the production and how Seb had a recall for the junior doctor in Holby City. And I was pleased for him, I really was, and I managed to smile a bit at him, but I couldn’t concentrate, I just kept seeing Alex’s face the first time he’d said he loved me and my mind went round and round like a Ferris wheel thinking, How could we have come to this, how could he hate me enough to persecute me so?

In the end I stood up and pushed the bowl of soup away so it slopped onto the table in an ugly mess of little tomato bits.

‘Seb, thanks so much – but, look, I’ll leave you to it. This is your celebration. I don’t want to spoil it for you.’

‘You’re not spoiling it,’ he insisted, but I’d seen his glance gently slide to the group of actors in the snug, and I hugged him quickly.

‘I really, really want to be here tomorrow, but I think – I might not make it. Can I come next week instead? Is that okay?’ I spoke into his shoulder, his lean warmth reassuring for a moment. ‘You will be brilliant,’ I rattled on before he could answer. ‘Absolutely brilliant, I know. Break a leg and all that kind of stuff, yeah?’ Digby snuffled around my feet, scavenging for spilt crisps. ‘I’ll call you when I get to Cornwall.’

‘Maggie, please.’ Seb’s face was tense. ‘I really don’t think you should go now.’

‘I have to, Seb.’ I picked up my bag. ‘I need some time to clear my head.’

He didn’t know what to do. ‘I’ll walk you to your car,’ he said eventually.

‘No, please don’t. Stay here. Your friends need you.’ I kissed him on the lips quickly. I had to go; I couldn’t be sucked in. ‘I’ll be fine, honestly.’