‘Bloody Fay Carter, that’s who. She turns up like a bad penny just when I don’t expect her.’

And then, through the increasingly rumbustious crowd, I saw a figure come through the far door, and the crowd parted between me and her just like the sea did for Moses, and I watched dumbfounded as that little hooded figure tripped over to the bar. I stared at her.

‘Maggie?’ Seb was shaking me gently. ‘Maggie, are you okay?’

‘That’s her,’ I whispered, and he had to bend to hear me. ‘Over by the bar.’

‘Who?’ He shook his head.

‘That’s Fay.’

He looked over just as the girl turned, just as her hood fell back, and she raised a glass in toast to the group on her left. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ I heard her call, ‘I couldn’t find a bloody cash-point anywhere.’

It wasn’t Fay. It looked a little like her, a very little bit – but it definitely wasn’t her.

‘So apparently I really am losing it now,’ I tried to joke, but for some reason I was on the verge of tears, dangerously close to falling somewhere very dark, very deep. I sat very still on the bar-stool – thinking. Seb was obviously worried, I could sense his concern, but I couldn’t allay his fears, I couldn’t think of him right now. I simply didn’t know what to do, that was the truth. Vaguely, somewhere in the background I heard Seb order me some soup and a cup of coffee and then he led me to a table by the window and put his arm around me to try to make me warm. I was grateful for the touch but I felt a million miles away as I looked out of the window, and the grim night-lit world seemed to have speeded up outside. Three kids in hoods bowled past, their jeans slung low around snake-hips, their trainers very white against the dark pavement. Brake-lights streamed behind cars like ribbons of coloured water, and I felt like I was losing my mind. Again. What I’d always feared was finally happening.

‘Did you ever see that Madonna video where it’s all going very fast around her?’ I said distractedly. ‘I feel like that now.’ I leaned my cheek against the cold glass. ‘Like I’m here but nothing else is real. Like it’s all a – a big crazy blur.’

‘Maggie,’ Seb took both my hands in his, forcing me to look at him, ‘I’m really worried about you, you know.’

‘I’ve got to get out of here, Seb. I think that’s the answer.’ I glanced around me. ‘I don’t feel very safe any more.’

‘I think it’s in your head, Maggie babe,’ he said gently. ‘You’re perfectly safe here. You’re just really on the edge.’