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Back A Terrible Kindness
Chapters (77)
  1. Landing Page
  2. A TERRIBLE KINDNESS
  3. Dedication
  4. Contents
  5. ABERFAN
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. CAMBRIDGE CHOIR
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. FAMILY BUSINESS
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. MIDNIGHT CHOIR
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. 52
  61. 53
  62. 54
  63. 55
  64. 56
  65. 57
  66. 58
  67. ABERFAN
  68. 59
  69. 60
  70. 61
  71. 62
  72. 63
  73. 64
  74. 65
  75. Acknowledgements
  76. About the Author
  77. Copyright

‘I love you, Gloria. Have done since the day we met.’ He pauses; there’s absolute silence. ‘After the dinner dance, I drove to Aberfan thinking, when I get home, I’m going to ask Gloria to marry me.’ The relief of saying it out loud is immense, but he must press on before she misunderstands. ‘But after this, I can’t. You want to be a mum. You should be.’ He scrunches his eyes at the memory of the pulpy blood on the Finches’ stairs, of Gloria being carried out of the house. ‘You’ll be wonderful, but I’m not cut out for family life. You need to find someone else.’ Utter silence. He waits, just to hear her breathing, but there’s nothing. ‘Goodbye, Gloria.’

Part II

CAMBRIDGE CHOIR

12

SEPTEMBER 1957

The sky is bruise-blue and the air almost golden with the promise of rain. He is chilly in his grey shorts and green blazer.

His mother, Evelyn, is kneeling down, though the ground is gravelly and she’s wearing new stockings. Her face is so close he can see a swirl on her right cheek where her make-up isn’t quite rubbed in. Her eyes start to silver. He hopes they won’t spill. William glances over her shoulder and sees a tall father with a wide smile slapping his son’s back. The mother’s make-up is silkier and thicker than Evelyn’s, she has a pretty scarf tied under her chin, and she wears pointy sunglasses even though it’s not sunny. She’s smiling too, but with her eyes behind the slanted black lenses, her face looks blank. There’s a hanky in her hand. William wishes his dad could be there to smack his back and make them all smile – and then his mum wouldn’t be all alone when she leaves in a few minutes.

‘I’m so proud of you,’ Evelyn is saying, the tide in her eyes still high. ‘And so would your father be. You know that, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’ He puts his hand on her shoulder because he can’t bear her to look sad. She stands up so quickly, his hand slaps down onto the grey flannel of his new shorts.

‘Don’t start being all nice to me, William Lavery, you’ll set me off.’ She smiles down at him, blinking. ‘I’m allowed to come and see how you’re getting on in six weeks. It’ll come round before we know it. By then you’ll have all sorts of lovely music in your head you can sing to me over lunch.’

‘I will’ – he forces his voice to be big and brave – ‘like this.’ He puts his hands out theatrically: ‘Laaaaaaaaaaaa.’ He doesn’t want her to go, but he knows she has to and he mustn’t make it worse for her.