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Back A Terrible Kindness
Chapters (77)
  1. Landing Page
  2. A TERRIBLE KINDNESS
  3. Dedication
  4. Contents
  5. ABERFAN
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. CAMBRIDGE CHOIR
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. FAMILY BUSINESS
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. MIDNIGHT CHOIR
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. 52
  61. 53
  62. 54
  63. 55
  64. 56
  65. 57
  66. 58
  67. ABERFAN
  68. 59
  69. 60
  70. 61
  71. 62
  72. 63
  73. 64
  74. 65
  75. Acknowledgements
  76. About the Author
  77. Copyright

Later, he’ll be aware of the look that flits between Howard and Robert over lunch, when he’s like this. And he’ll hear, when Gloria gets home in the evening, Robert and her talking quietly. He doesn’t blame them. He sends Margery’s body fluids down the sluice, wishing he could do the same with the contents of his fixated memory.

46

MARCH 1972

On Saturday 18th March, the morning of his twenty-fifth birthday, William is woken by Gloria kissing him loudly on alternate cheeks, twenty-five times, holding his face in her hands as she has every year since they’ve been married. He emerges from sleep smiling.

Having been sung to at breakfast by Uncle Robert, Howard and Gloria, and opened their gifts, it’s now only the two of them. She’s just sat on his lap in the kitchen and asked him if they can go to Cambridge for the day.

‘I don’t want to.’ He snuggles into her soft body. ‘It’s my birthday, and you want me to be happy on my birthday, don’t you?’ He was hoping they could go back to bed.

Gloria reaches for her teacup on the kitchen table that’s messy with birthday cards, wrapping paper, aftershave from Robert and Howard, a wallet from her. She takes a sip, puts the cup down and rakes her fingers through his hair. ‘I think it would be good for you.’

‘Enough.’ William gently pushes her from his lap, stands, picks up his own cup and leans against the sink, immediately feeling damp seeping into his back. This is the third consecutive weekend she’s suggested they take a train and go to evensong. ‘Why make me remember things I want to forget?’

Gloria sits back down on William’s vacated chair. ‘Sometimes, I think all you do is try not to remember. It must be exhausting.’ She picks up the unopened card they both know is from Evelyn and then gently rests it against the teapot. Later, she’ll put it on the mantelpiece next to her own; one of the small, determined stands she takes to acknowledge his mother.

Looking across at him now, her face softens. ‘I wouldn’t ask to go to Aberfan, but evensong? In Cambridge? It’s beautiful. What if you went, and actually enjoyed it?’

The teacup he’s holding is suddenly so light and fragile, and his hand so tense, the only thing to do is hurl it at the wall.

William hates World of Sport, but Gloria leaves him alone when it’s on, so with the broken teacup swept up and dropped in the bin, he’s now in the lounge staring at Brian Moore talking about football teams he has no interest in.