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Back A Terrible Kindness
Chapters (77)
  1. Landing Page
  2. A TERRIBLE KINDNESS
  3. Dedication
  4. Contents
  5. ABERFAN
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. CAMBRIDGE CHOIR
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. FAMILY BUSINESS
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. MIDNIGHT CHOIR
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. 52
  61. 53
  62. 54
  63. 55
  64. 56
  65. 57
  66. 58
  67. ABERFAN
  68. 59
  69. 60
  70. 61
  71. 62
  72. 63
  73. 64
  74. 65
  75. Acknowledgements
  76. About the Author
  77. Copyright

‘Thank you,’ says William, glancing at the pretty young woman. For a brief moment he imagines his heart being free to flirt with her, to start something new and fresh, without all the hurdles that lie between him and Gloria, without all these failures and missed opportunities weighing him down. The waitress clears their table and walks away, her flat shoes squelching on the floor. It’s a fantasy. His heart isn’t free, so why bother imagining it is?

‘Maybe I won’t be able to get pregnant again. Or maybe I will, but I’ll keep having miscarriages.’

‘I’m no expert,’ he says, feeling woefully inadequate, ‘but I’m pretty sure lots of women have miscarriages and then have healthy babies.’ He stands and slides his jacket on, then pulls her coat off the chair and drapes it over her shoulders. ‘I think you should try and be positive, for your own sake.’

‘Easier said than done.’ Gloria gets up.

‘Another quick wander in the gallery before we go home?’ William stands up. ‘If we go in the opposite direction, we can do a loop and have one last look at Ophelia before we go.’

‘Is that what you normally do?’ There’s a slight smile on her face.

‘Yes.’ He smiles back.

Even though he’s on edge, he feels a lifting, a lightening at the delicate colours and textures of the Millais, the seeming miracle of transparent, colourless water rendered so perfectly. By paint! It’s a relief to be standing there without the need to speak. Eventually, Gloria says quietly but clearly, ‘I never loved him.’

Grateful that she’s looking at the painting and not him, grateful that he can reply to the painting and not Gloria, he asks, ‘Why did you go out with him?’

‘He was funny. Charming. We had a laugh.’ She pauses and turns to him, but he keeps his gaze on the painting. ‘And he asked.’

After a few minutes without either of them moving, she says quietly, ‘I’m not sorry Ray’s buggered off. But I am sorry I’ve lost my baby.’

And that’s enough. He feels softened, yet bold enough to put his arm through hers. ‘Uncle Robert said on the phone last night that they’re booking tickets for the Ladies’ Dinner Dance in Nottingham. It’s the annual posh do for the Midlands Chapter of embalmers, don’t know why they call it that.’ He’s talking faster and faster, suddenly desperate that she comes. ‘It’s on 22nd October, the day after I graduate. Want to come? It’ll be something to look forward to.’

‘Yes.’ She puts her head on one side and smiles. ‘Why not?’

44

NOVEMBER 1970, SUTTON COLDFIELD