Chapters (77)
Colin isn’t at choir. This concerns William more than he would have expected. There’s a fragility to all the Midnighters, but there’s something about Colin that particularly moves William. His way of holding his music so carefully in his hands. How he takes off his filthy donkey jacket and places it on the back of his chair, just so. William feels the chasm between what Colin has become and what he used to be; it settles in his chest and doesn’t go away until he’s walking home with Martin. He’s come to enjoy his sessions with the tenors. He doesn’t even mind that David always chooses to join them and spends the whole time staring at him.
During tea breaks, Colin’s told William that his ex-wife and two children live in London with her new husband, with his high-paid job in the City – though not as highly paid as Colin’s was five years ago, before he drank himself into oblivion with guilt over a miserable one-night stand. He has no visiting rights. He hasn’t seen his children for over a year. He wonders how his son is getting on at secondary school. He wonders if they call this man Dad. He wonders what his wife says to them about him.
Tonight, William takes the tenors to work on ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’. It’s not easy, because Gloria loves this song and they’re missing Colin, who always gets it first time. William is singing louder than normal to help drag them along. He wishes, as he’s singing, that he’d just once sung it to Gloria, really sung it. She’d have loved it. He could have hammed it up, but meant it as well. Ready to quash the thought, as he’s quashed a hundred thousand thoughts of her before, William decides to let it be, to let the music bring her to him. Let me feel the love and the sadness, he decides. And as he stands, beating time with his right hand, singing at almost full throttle, David steps out from the little huddle, his raised palm towards William. Everyone keeps singing as David approaches him. Inches away from him now, David’s whiskery face intent, blue eyes questioning, curious, he lays his palm on William’s chest. The pressure is warm and firm, and William feels the vibration from his singing against David’s splayed hand. The two of them maintain eye contact as David grins. Still with his hand on William, he twists round to look at the others. No one stops singing, but they all smile at the smiling David. When they’ve finished, he walks back to the group, snatching his hand into the air, as if he’s just touched something hot. A small round of applause breaks out, and although William isn’t quite sure what it’s for, he joins in.