She stares at me, and then I see her get it. She puts her hand on my arm. “Is this the painting you showed me in your grandma’s studio?”

“It’s under there.”

I’ve buried it beneath layers of paint, but I can still see it in faint outline because I know where to look. The edges of the roofing paper. That bleeding egg, still marked by the impasto. For years, I had no idea what to do with the painting. It stayed rolled up in one closet after another. I thought about throwing it away so many times, but I could never let it go. It was still speaking to me. I just had to learn how to hear it.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I began thinking about this novel in 2012, and I started writing it in 2013, which means it’s been alive in my imagination for ten years. It had a difficult journey from my mind to the printed page, but every step along the way I’ve had the support of my best friends, who read a very early (terrible) draft and always remembered that this book existed, even when I thought it would never get published. Aimee, Betty, Cameron, Hye-John, Lesly, Nicole, Sarah, Sarah, and Vincent: This book is for you.

For those who are familiar with Marin County, California, I’d like to acknowledge that the In-N-Out in this book doesn’t exist in reality. I moved the In-N-Out from Strawberry Village in Mill Valley three miles north to the Trader Joe’s shopping center in Greenbrae. I claim poetic license.

George Dutton generously donated to the Kidlit Against Anti-AAPI Racism Auction in 2021 and won the opportunity to have a character named after a loved one in my next book; that character is Talia Dutton, named after his daughter. The character of Sarah Franco was inspired by my friend Sarah Pecora, who also named her.

Thanks to Laura Langlie, who started this book on its publication path. Thanks to M-E Girard, Karla Yancy, Anushka Fernandopulle, Kate Cochrane, and Laura Chandra for their guidance on medical issues, Buddhism, and Martha’s Vineyard. Any errors are mine. Thanks to Cindy Pon, who waited very patiently to read this! Thanks to artist Feifei Ruan for translating my vision of Aria’s journey into a beautiful cover image. Thanks to my agent, Michael Bourret, who always helps me see things in perspective. Thanks to my editor, Andrew Karre, who somehow understood what I was trying to do with this book even before I did.

As always, thanks to my wife, Amy, who has endured my angst about this book for a decade and truly deserves a prize.

CREDITS

DUTTON BOOKS AND PENGUIN YOUNG READERS GROUP

ART AND DESIGN

Anna Booth

CONTRACTS

Anton Abrahamsen

COPYEDITORS AND PROOFREADERS

Rob Farren

Anne Heausler

Jacqueline Hornberger

EDITOR

Andrew Karre

MANAGING EDITOR

Natalie Vielkind

MARKETING

James Akinaka

Christina Colangelo

Brianna Lockhart

Felicity Vallence

Shannon Spann

PRODUCTION MANAGER

Vanessa Robles

PUBLICITY

Elyse Marshall

PUBLISHER

Julie Strauss-Gabel