I bent over the top of the camera and realized the glass piece was a magnifier. As I turned the focusing knob, I saw the blurry shapes of the living room come into focus the same way Mars or Venus would sharpen when I’d focus on them through a telescope. A refracting telescope would invert the image, and similarly, the Rolleiflex flipped it horizontally. The woodstove was on the other side of the living room when I looked at it through the viewfinder.

“Does it still take pictures?” I asked.

“It might need some cleaning, but probably. I don’t have any film, though.”

The camera—with its knobs and levers, its focusing hood and twin lenses—felt like a time machine. I carefully placed it on the coffee table. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why’d you stop using the studio outside?”

She looked surprised by the question. “I didn’t mean to. After your grandpa died, I missed him so much. For a long time, I couldn’t work. And then when I wanted to work again, the studio felt so far from him. I used to go out there to be alone. He never came out there. He wanted to give me my space.” She had a distant expression on her face. “I started using your grandpa’s office because I was going through his files, and it just stuck. I like being in his space. I like being able to see what he saw when he worked there. It gives me a different perspective.” She looked at me and said, “I’m glad you’re using the studio now.”

“Don’t you want to ask me what I’m doing out there?”

A smile. “Would you like to tell me?”

I thought I did, but as soon as she asked, I felt a kind of defensive constricting inside me. “Actually, I don’t know if I do.”

Joan nodded. “It’s good to keep it to yourself until it’s ready. Give it time to incubate on its own, without other people’s opinions.”

“When will I know if it’s ready?”

“You’ll learn. Sometimes I’ve said things too soon, and it’s been ruined. I could always tell Russ, though. His knowing never ruins anything. He never judges. He just listens.”

I didn’t know whether Joan’s use of the present tense meant anything. Sometimes it seemed as if Grandpa were right there beside her, just out of sight. I glanced over at the stairs that led to Grandpa’s office. I almost expected to see him standing there.

Chapter 16