She followed me back to the studio, and once she was inside, I closed the door. “I screwed it up,” I told her, gesturing to the bleeding egg of the sun.

She walked over to it and squinted at the paint. “What are you aiming for?”

“I have no idea.”

She turned back to me, but she didn’t make a move. Her smile had vanished, and she put her hands in the pockets of her cargo shorts as if to stop herself from touching me. So I went over to her and lightly rested my hands on her waist. I leaned in to her space. She smelled like citrus shampoo.

“I have to work,” she said softly.

“Five minutes,” I suggested.

She exhaled, and her hands came out of her pockets and went around my back. When we kissed, her mouth was minty.

Five minutes turned into ten, our bodies pressed together, her hand sliding up to cup my breast through my shirt. I covered her hand with mine and squeezed, and her breath caught in a low gasp. I liked that sound. I wanted to hear it again, and I wanted her to touch my skin, so I started to pull off my shirt, but she stopped me.

“Five minutes,” she whispered, and moved her mouth to the hollow between my neck and collarbone.

Her tongue was warm and startling, and I held her head there, pulling her as close to me as I could. I shivered as her teeth scraped against my skin. She lifted her head and kissed me again, and now her hand was under my shirt and pushing aside the lace cup of my bra. Her palm was warm on my breast, her thumb rubbing my nipple until all I could feel was the stroke of her finger.

There was no way to fake this. I was 100 percent present in my body, every millimeter of my skin alive, a liquid ache between my legs. It made everything that had happened before this moment seem like a mirage. This—Steph’s hands on me and her kiss and her body beneath my fingers—this was the realest thing I’d ever felt.

Chapter 35

On Saturday, Tasha and I arranged to meet Mel in Golden Gate Park at a fountain near the band shell. When we arrived, Lisa was leaning on the edge of the fountain beside Mel, smoking a cigarette. It disappointed me to see her. I realized I’d been hoping she and Steph were still fighting, and that she might not show up.

I introduced Tasha to Mel and Lisa, and then asked, “Where’s Steph?”

“She’s backstage with the band,” Lisa said. “They’re second in the lineup.” She seemed a little tense.

“Let’s go find a spot,” Mel said, and Lisa stubbed out her cigarette.