My loss. Any time I’ve shared that information with anyone, which has been a whopping three times total, I’ve never been told that they were sorry for my loss. It’s always been ‘I’m sure you made the best decision for yourself’ or ‘I’m sorry you went through that.’ Never ‘sorry for your loss.’ I am very pro-choice and always advocate for women making whatever decision they feel is best for them and their bodies, so I don’t come from a place of judgment. In my case, however, I made a choice to keep my baby and raise them alongside Kai, but that choice was taken from me, and that’s the part of me that never healed. It is a loss.

Once my eyes have been dried and the ladies have helped me make sure I look presentable, we make our way back out to the guys. A sleeping Bianca lies against Kai’s chest, and the sight brings me solace instead of pain this time so I answer his questioning eyebrow with a heartfelt smile.

“What were y’all doing all this time?” Shane asks.

“Do yourself a favor and never involve yourself in women’s business,” Nina chides. Everyone laughs at his expense, including Shane himself, and the moment is forgotten.

Dad: Liv, I called you last night and you didn’t answer. I need an update on your status

Dad: Liv, answer your phone

Dad: How is PT?

Dad: Liv, your behavior is childish.

Dad: You always have to make things difficult and you wonder why I have to take control

Dad: I’ll be in touch

I exit out of the text thread with my dad because fuck him and his stupid-ass check-ins, and I open a text thread with Ciara, Nina, and Sasha. Shane gave me their numbers and said he cleared it with them first, so I’m trying to figure out a way to reach out.

Me: Hey guys, thanks for letting me be weird and cry in your bathroom yesterday.

Ugh, no. Delete that.

Me: Hey, sorry if yesterday got too heavy. Want to get brunch?

What even is that? Delete.

Me: Thank you for yesterday. You’re all amazing and made me feel a little less alone.

Coming in too hot. Delete.

Why the fuck can’t I draft a simple text? I feel like I’m on a damn dating site. Let me try one more time.

Me: Hey. Did you know if you put the first letter of our names together it would spell CONS? Could be a cool group name.

Ha, okay, I’m done. I exit out of my messages and put my phone away.

“Okay, good. And just remember not to bend forward from your lower back.” Kai’s hand graces my lower back while I‘m mid-deadlift, setting my core on fire.