I hate sitting on the sidelines. I hate disappointing Coach. I hate that I let him get to me. I feel Coach’s eyes on me as I watch my teammate Yara inbound the ball to Monet and fly down the field, but I don’t acknowledge her. I grip the sides of the bench, close my eyes, and lose myself to the crisp smell of the bermudagrass and the tender lick of the sun’s rays on my skin.

I try to make a quick exit but Coach is quicker, demanding I stay later. I sneak a peek at my phone to find a text from Kai telling me his study group is running late, so he won’t be able to meet me here to walk me back but he’ll see me in my room later. I shoot off a text assuring him I’m okay then head over to where Coach is waiting.

“Harding, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you that out of it before.” She passes off a bag of balls to me before bending to pick up another and leading me off the field.

“I know, I was just tired today. I’m sorry.”

“That’s understandable. I know you’ve got a full course load and the internship this year, but can I be honest with you?”

“Yeah.”

“I think something else is going on. Soccer is who you are. Every time you step on this field you become one with it. Your passion shines through your every move, but today that was completely missing. Not saying we don’t all have off days but you worried me today. If there’s anything going on or if I can help in any way, you can always talk to me.”

I soak in her words. I’m glad I made the decision to come to Rice to play under her. She’s been everything I hoped she would be and more. I’ve gained a lot more confidence on the field and my agility has increased tenfold. I know she’ll be slightly disappointed when I have to step back from playing because of the baby, but I also know that she actually gives a shit about me and she’ll work with me to get back in the game if that’s what I want.

“I know, Coach. I know. I, uh, had an argument with my dad earlier and it messed me up, but I shouldn’t have let it affect practice.”