BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Friends
Chapters (52)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Author
  5. 31
  6. 14
  7. 31
  8. 14
  9. 31
  10. 14
  11. 31
  12. 14
  13. 31
  14. 15
  15. 31
  16. 16
  17. 32
  18. 16
  19. 32
  20. 17
  21. 32
  22. 17
  23. 32
  24. 17
  25. 32
  26. 17
  27. 32
  28. 18
  29. 32
  30. 18
  31. 32
  32. 18
  33. 32
  34. 18
  35. 32
  36. 18
  37. 32
  38. 18
  39. 32
  40. 18
  41. 32
  42. 18
  43. 32
  44. 18
  45. 32
  46. 32
  47. 33
  48. 33
  49. 33
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. Discussion Questions
  52. Booklist
  1. Jessica would miss you very much otherwise
  2. You won’t get to find out what JK Rowling has written as the final chapter of Harry Potter and hidden in a cave
  3. ...or get to watch the Harry Potter movie
  4. What will happen to your Sims if you die? One is about to be an astronaut!
  5. You don’t want to die a virgin, remember?
  6. We won’t get to go to college together and reinvent ourselves as very cool people
  7. What about our plans to go on a road trip around America, and find movie star husbands in LA?
  8. Ditto to go interrailing around Europe and find sexy tanned boyfriends called Julio?
  9. No offense, but your school photo this term was terrible because of the frizz-rain situation, and this is the photo they would use in all the newspapers, so you may as well hold on for another year until you can get a better headshot
  10. Whenever you feel like you want to die, tell me, AND read this list. Add to this list whenever you think of a reason to stay alive, until it’s so long that you’ll always want to stay here and hold on for tomorrow. ALWAYS HOLD ON FOR TOMORROW, FERN. I love you xxxxx

The note fell to the carpet. How could I have forgotten? Oh my God. I was awful. This note... I remembered it so vividly now. Finding it the next morning. Smiling with every inch of my body. Treasuring it always. Feeling seen and loved and understood for the first time in my whole life. How had I blocked out that Jessica was the one who inspired my Hold On For Tomorrow blog post? The blog post that gave me my life, my job, that helped me find Ben. Had I really disassociated that much since I so ruthlessly cut her out? Christ. What must she think of me?

Then I remembered what she’d said, when she’d turned up at my event all those months previously.

“Your blog post was amazing... I sent you an email, saying how proud I was...you never replied though.”

I got myself off the floor, dashed downstairs, and retrieved my laptop from my rucksack in my parents’ kitchen. I entered my password incorrectly twice before I got access, and then kept mis-clicking as I tried to pull up my archive folders, wondering where I’d stored all the emails I’d downloaded when everything took off. Finally, I found it, and typed in Jessica’s name, holding my breath, and it pinged right up. Unread. The olive branch she’d given me years ago. Ignored. Unseen. I opened it up, and read it in tears.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: You remembered!!

Dear Fern,