BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Friends
Chapters (52)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Author
  5. 31
  6. 14
  7. 31
  8. 14
  9. 31
  10. 14
  11. 31
  12. 14
  13. 31
  14. 15
  15. 31
  16. 16
  17. 32
  18. 16
  19. 32
  20. 17
  21. 32
  22. 17
  23. 32
  24. 17
  25. 32
  26. 17
  27. 32
  28. 18
  29. 32
  30. 18
  31. 32
  32. 18
  33. 32
  34. 18
  35. 32
  36. 18
  37. 32
  38. 18
  39. 32
  40. 18
  41. 32
  42. 18
  43. 32
  44. 18
  45. 32
  46. 32
  47. 33
  48. 33
  49. 33
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. Discussion Questions
  52. Booklist

He kissed me on the forehead, smoothing my hair down each side of my face as he did so. Kissing me like a child. “When I’m ready for a relationship,” he said, “you’re the first person I’m going to call.”

There are the women they fuck, and the women they fall in love with.

And I found myself thanking him. Thanking him.

“Hello, Fern?” Jessica’s voice was sleepy over the line.

“Jessica.”

“Are you OK?”

“I lost my virginity last night.”

“What! Oh my God!” her voice was initially excited, expecting squealing and debriefing and gossip and so exciting. “Tell me everything... Oh my God, what’s wrong?”

I could only sob until my phone ran out of credit. She had to ring me back. And, with my back propped against the wall of my uni room, where I’d never, ever, felt lonelier, I choked out the story.

She said all the things we are programmed to say for such inevitable letdowns. Gave me all her best what an arseholes, you are worth so much worth than thats, I’m so sorrys, I love yous, and it will be better next time. You will find someone who deserves you, she promised.

“I’m up in a few weeks. We can kill him together.”

“We can’t. I still really like him. God, I’m so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fern, it’s going to be OK. I’m going to come up and I’m going to make it OK. You’ve got me, remember?”

I sighed. “Thank fuck I’ve got you.”

32

now.

It fell apart cliché by cliché. All the tropes were ticked off, one by one.

I’d decided to surprise Ben by coming home early.

I wanted to treat him to a silent apology for all the crazy thoughts I’d been having about him. To atone for the psychological sins he didn’t know I’d committed. So, when our office’s internet went down and nobody could do any work, I saw my chance. After three hours of IT people swearing while their arses disappeared under desks, we were sent home. No point staying. Thank God we were off deadline. Go home, enjoy the weather. It will be sorted by tomorrow. Most of my team descended on the nearest park with cans of premixed G&T.

“You coming, Fern?” my editor, Derek, asked me, as we all left the building with a frothing bunking-off energy. “Just for one?”

I shook my head. “Ben’s just finished for summer, so I’m going to go home and surprise him.” I smiled. “We’ll probably go get a picnic in the park or something.”

“Well isn’t that romantic?”

“Let’s hope so.”

18

november 2004

Jessica sent the message a week before she was due to visit me in Manchester.