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Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful Save as PDF
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

Hours later, I slip out of the apartment, and into the car the Valmont staff has called up for me. It’s cold out but the milky sky is full of stars, so I retract the convertible top. As I head east to the FDR Drive, I feel a rush of adrenaline. I step on the gas. The circumference of Manhattan is twenty-seven miles. The fastest recorded time for circling the city is twenty-four minutes, which averages to sixty-six miles an hour. Tonight, I will crush that. Twenty-four minutes includes red lights, which I will bypass. There’s always traffic in New York City, but I know the highways like I know my own body. I gather speed, hit forty, forty-five, fifty. Dodging and weaving, I race to the bend of the horizon. Soon, the car falls away. It’s just me, flying through space, weightless and untethered. I can’t hear. I can’t see. I don’t feel. Out here, it’s as peaceful, as soundless, as sleep. Out here, it’s a dream.

13

ON WEDNESDAY, BILLY WAKES UP EARLY. HE TELLS MAEVE to take the day off and makes challah French toast for the whole family. “I need hobbies,” he says. “It’s gonna be a long spring.” He’s not as disconnected as yesterday, but his eyes are unfocused, and he’s filled with manic energy as he gathers plates and forks. He’s panicking, I can tell.

“Cassie,” he asks, wearing a white apron patterned with daisies as he dishes up the French toast. “Would you rather I make you egg whites?”

“Thanks,” I tell him. “But I’m fine with French toast.”

“How about Styrofoam?” Nate asks. “No calories in Styrofoam.”

“No fiber either, Smart Guy,” I say.

In response, Nate takes a huge bite of French toast. He chews with his mouth open, making sure I can see.

“Seriously, Nate?” Lawrence asks. “How old are you again?”

DeFiore calls while we’re eating, and Lawrence puts him on speakerphone. He wants to meet with us tomorrow. Lawrence says sure, absolutely, wouldn’t miss it for the world, like it’s a movie he’s dying to see. His falseness puts me on edge, and it’s this edginess that compels me to announce I’m heading back to school after we see DeFiore. “I’m sorry, Lawrence, but I have a midterm, classes, and lots to take care of.”

“I’d prefer you stay, Cassie. It would mean a lot to Billy.”

“Oh, no way, Dad,” Billy says. “Don’t put me in the middle. Let her live her life.”

“It’s not just you,” Lawrence tells him. “Eleanor and I need her here too.”

This aggravates me. “Keep pressuring me, and I’ll leave right this minute. I don’t want to fight.”