Of course, I want to fight. Otherwise, I would’ve kept my mouth shut. But being home is taking a toll. I’m not sleeping well, my head is buzzing, and I’m reverting to old habits. Yesterday, while Billy slept, Nate and I got stoned and watched Netflix when I was supposed to be reviewing my notes for my exams. When I’m here, time is elastic, its edges collapse, and I lose track of myself. I’m an adult, but also a child. If I don’t set boundaries, I’ll give in, and stay forever.

The other issue is Marcus, who’s started reaching out again. He, too, has uncanny radar. I let his calls go to voicemail, but the pull to answer makes my fingers dance, my body twitch. I imagine him waiting for his wife to fall asleep then sneaking down the hall to use the burner phone he bought specially to contact me. We haven’t spoken in six months, although I admit I save his messages to replay during weak moments. I need you, Cassie. I miss you. I just want to say hi. But no matter how much I wish I could talk to him, no matter how much I want to hear his voice, I can’t risk getting dragged back in.

Nate texts me:

apologize, princess. be the bigger person. This week is rough for everyone

I know; I’m not an idiot

You’re not? His bday is tomorrow. You just said you’d rather sit in class than be with him

Oh shit. Looking up, I realize everyone is waiting for me and Lawrence to finish arguing. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I wasn’t thinking. Of course, I’ll stay for your birthday.”

“Thanks, Cassie. That means a lot to me. I’m thrilled you’ll be here to celebrate.”

He gives me a loving smile, and we focus on our plates, both of us sheepish. Lawrence takes an enormous bite of French toast. “Delicious, Billy,” he declares, chewing with gusto. But I’m distracted by memories of Marcus, and pick at my breakfast, unable to taste my food, much less swallow it.

* * *

The day warms up, and in the afternoon, Billy announces he’s going for a run. Nate and I say we’ll go, too, and change into sweats and sneakers. Honestly, it’s the last thing we want to do, but it’s the best way to get him alone so we can ask about Diana.

In the park, we head to the Reservoir. Billy keeps what for him is a slow pace, but after ten minutes, Nate and I are gasping.

Billy pats my arm. “Catch you on the flip side.” Then takes off.

Nate and I watch him until he disappears. “Think he’ll come back?” Slowing down, he wipes his forehead with this T-shirt.

“Would you?”

“Fuck yeah. No way I’d let Diana Holly get away with this.”