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Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

My brother is driving. I’m the navigator, so it’s my job to entertain. When we reach the highway, he relaxes. “Tell me a story,” he says. “Make it epic.”

I think for a long time. “I have one. You may not believe it, though.”

“Try me,” he says.

I do Nate’s bidding. After all, he’s my big brother, and we have a few hours to kill.

“This is Billy’s story. But if I were the one telling it, I’d start with Nate’s call. For me, that’s the pivot point between before and after. The moment I was, for lack of a better expression, jolted awake.”

The dream continues. We pick up speed, and I keep talking. Soon, I grow wings.

Author’s Note

I started working on When We Were Bright and Beautiful in 2016. A couple of years later, the #MeToo movement exploded. So, it was largely coincidental that I happened to be writing a novel about sexual assault at the same time the world was reckoning with the issue. At first, the overlap was overwhelming; and I considered, if not abandoning the book then at least changing the central crime. In the end, the sight of so many women stepping forward evoked a sense of urgency, and I stayed the course, a decision I’ve never regretted.

To write this novel properly, that is, to depict the complexity, nuance, and pervasive consequences of sexual assault without demonizing a vulnerable young woman or supporting an ostensible rapist required humanizing the characters. To accomplish this, I read scores of novels and nonfiction books, and watched hours of movies and television. Unfortunately, space precludes me from listing every title. However, I do need to mention Blackbird by David Harrower, a play that crystalized for me the insidious ways sexual trauma compels a young girl to sacrifice her autonomy, identity, even her reality, to explain the inexplicable and find a way forward.

In fiction, just like in life, each story is the sum total of all the stories that have preceded it, and my own is no exception. In this way, When We Were Bright and Beautiful owes an enormous debt to all the writers who came before me and dared to tackle this subject.

Similarly, I am indebted to the countless women and girls who shared their experiences of sexual violence as a result of the #MeToo movement. Equally important is the debt I owe to the women and girls who shared their experiences long before the #MeToo movement made it feel safer to do so. Finally, I want to recognize the women and girls who continue to suffer alone and in silence.

Jillian Medoff

Acknowledgments