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Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful Save as PDF
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

“Oh shit.” Realizing we’re late, Lawrence regains his composure. “I’m sorry, Cassie. We have to wait. Just a little while longer.” He stands up, adjusts his trousers. “Billy is my son.”

“What am I?”

“Excuse me?”

“He’s your son. What am I?”

Instead of replying, he leans over. I relax for a kiss. Instead, he pats my shoulder. “I tried to protect you. Back in March, I begged you to stay away from the trial. You can’t deny that. Cass, nothing here is real. It’s a play, a performance. We’re acting out parts in a prewritten script. Don’t forget what you know. What we have. What we are to each other. Christ, kid—that thing with your tongue? I practically came in my chair.”

Why does it matter? A man’s hand reaches down, a flash of naked skin. Blue sheet with tiny pink flowers. You’re repulsive. Because, like Haggerty said, it happened. It keeps happening. You’re twenty-four years old and a child of ten. You want to say no but don’t have a voice. Your only option is yes, please, yes, please, yes, please.

My nerves are frayed. Everything hurts. I can’t take much more. “Lawrence. I don’t want to wait.” I’ll be good. I’ll stop acting out. Please don’t leave me behind. I can’t be alone. “I want you to choose me.”

Already in motion, Lawrence pretends not to hear. He stands tall, inflates his chest, and transforms into his public self. Striding out, he’s a man on a mission. I’m hot on his heels. But instead of following him back to court, I head into the elevator where I call an Uber. I’m on autopilot, unsure where I’ll go or for how long, unsure of anything, just that I need to keep moving. On the street, a mass of reporters spot me. “It’s Cassie, the sister!” one cries out. But as they start to descend, a black SUV pulls up to the curb.

It’s Haggerty. “Get in,” he says.

55

WE DRIVE THROUGH DOWNTOWN TRENTON. MY MIND IS racing. I can’t shut it down, and I don’t know why. I used to be able to block out my thoughts, cauterize my feelings. But now everything rises, torturing me.

There’s a McDonald’s on the corner. Pulling into the drive-through, Haggerty orders two coffees and two breakfast burritos. “Ever try one?” he asks. “It’s my go-to meal.”

“I used to eat them all the time,” I say indignantly, thinking wistfully of Eddie and the Neighborhood Café.

“McDonald’s? They’re the best.” He smiles.

“McDonald’s is disgusting, no offense.” I pause. “A place in New Haven.”

We continue to drive, sipping our coffee. The burritos sit, untouched, in a bag on the floor. Haggerty glances at me sideways. I ask if he heard all of Diana’s testimony.