BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful Save as PDF
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

Marcus Silver’s gravitational pull was so strong I lost myself around him. When times were good, they were fantastic. But there was no bottom, and the only way to survive was to escape. So, I left him. (Then went back. Left again. Went back again.) Then I left town. I’ve since recovered, although his draw is still intense. Even now, the thought of him unmoors me, so I’m careful not to leave myself open.

You know the worst part? I have only myself to blame. I came on strong; I gave him no room to fend me off. He did say no, by the way. But I kept pushing until he gave in. You can’t choose who you love, but you can choose how you behave. I behaved atrociously. Which is why it’s too mortifying to talk about.

“What about you, Cassandra?” Lawrence repeats.

I’m exhausting, I know. Still, I can’t help myself. “Maybe you’re worried the press will find out about Avery and the . . . you know . . .” Embarrassed, I trail off. “Maybe you’re worried that people will judge me, judge us. And if they judge us, Billy will lose.”

“Of course, I’m worried.” Lawrence looks incredulous. “But not just because of Billy. Cassie, I’m worried about how this may affect you. I don’t want any part of your private life exposed.”

“I have to be there for Billy. He’s my brother, and my best friend. I’m not afraid.”

“Well, I am.” Lawrence’s eyes are clouded with concern. It’s like he’s seeing me across a great divide: already ravaged and beyond his grasp. “And you should be too.”

11

MERCER COUNTY CRIMINAL COURTHOUSE SITS ON THE corner of a busy intersection in downtown Trenton. It’s a nondescript four-story building that looks like a suburban medical center, and we pass by it twice until Nate calls out, “Over here! Guys, turn around.” Inside, armed guards are at the ready, and we have to step through a metal detector, but the lobby is as non-threatening as a dentist’s office.

Despite Lawrence’s continued rants about the predatory media, I don’t spot a single reporter, either on the street or in the building. Still, he scans the four corners, as if expecting a newscaster to leap out, wielding a microphone. He speed-walks ahead of us to the elevators; and then, as if realizing his mistake, doubles back to take Eleanor’s arm. Looking unhurried and serene, she swans across the lobby like it’s her own living room. There’s a stillness and grace to Eleanor I can never replicate, no matter how hard I try.

Seeing Lawrence so keyed up makes my own fear spike, but at the same time, I feel distant, as if all of this is happening to someone else entirely. Nate must see my bewilderment, because he takes my hand and propels me forward.