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Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

DeFiore lifts his head. “Stay positive, my boy. Ain’t over till it’s over.” Turning, he heads into the hall, and then he trills like a fat lady, singing.

54

“LAWRENCE? YOU OKAY?” I’VE BARELY SPOKEN TODAY. MY words are clotted in my throat. I take a sip of water but can’t swallow. The water sits in my mouth until I’m gagging.

He mumbles something I can’t hear.

“Lawrence?”

We’re alone in the conference room, still seated on opposite sides of the table. Concerned about Eleanor, Nate and Billy went to find her before the trial resumes. Walking out, Billy fired off one parting shot. “This is all your fault.” Though he was looking at Lawrence, he was talking to me. “It’s insane” was the most I could muster, shaking my head. “Absolutely insane.” But I knew what he meant. It is my fault. For the first time in forever, my brother and I were actually in agreement.

The welt right above Lawrence’s eye is livid. A knot has risen under the skin. Ignoring it, he taps on his phone, furiously, like he’s signaling Morse code. He’s oblivious to his head, to his surroundings, to me.

“Lawrence?” It comes out as a whisper. “There’s another option.”

He doesn’t look up from his screen. “What kind of option?”

“We could admit we love each other. I mean, we’re consenting adults.” Do I even want this? I’ve wanted it for so long. And I want Lawrence to want it. I’m just not sure about myself anymore. Still, I keep going. “What if we just say yes, it’s true?”

An extended pause. “We could, kiddo. We certainly could do that.” He rakes his hand through his hair, one of his stalling tactics. Another rake, then another. A loose strand snags on his wedding band. “Although . . .” He searches the ceiling. “Don’t you think it’s better for Billy if we wait? Until after the trial? Why give the other side more ammunition?”

“I don’t want to wait. I don’t,” I say. To state this is to humiliate myself; still, I crave worse. “It’s all gonna come out anyway. Haggerty knows. The cop. That’s why he keeps calling. He knows about us. He may have people who will testify. Against you.” I don’t not want it. But is that the same as wanting it?

Shock registers in Lawrence’s eyes. “You told him? Cassie, you promised not to talk to him again.”

“I didn’t tell him anything. He told me.” My heart is pounding so hard I’m surprised Lawrence can’t hear it. It’s knocking in my ears, louder and louder.

“It doesn’t matter. You were seventeen. It only happened once. I drank too much. It was a moment of weakness. Recklessness. Irrationality.”