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Back When We Were Bright and Beautiful Save as PDF
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. Part Two
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. 31
  37. 32
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. Part Three
  43. 37
  44. 38
  45. 39
  46. 40
  47. 41
  48. 42
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. 57
  64. 58
  65. 59
  66. 60
  67. Epilogue
  68. Author’s Note
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. About the Author
  71. Also by Jillian Medoff
  72. About the Publisher

I look at Billy. Time stops for a minute. And then something terrible happens. As I watch my brother, composed and contained in his suit, it occurs to me that maybe I’ve been wrong all along. Maybe Billy is a criminal. Maybe he did rape Diana Holly. Look where we are. A judge wields a gavel. Prosecutors rifle through briefcases. Defense attorneys take notes. Why would they be here if my brother wasn’t guilty?

Fear fills my senses. My mouth dries up. I bend over, trying to calm myself.

Lawrence puts his hand on my back. “You okay?” he whispers.

I shrug him off. “Why do you keep asking me that?” I hate to be babied; I’m no one’s baby. “I said I’m fine.”

But I’m gasping for air. You can’t sit in a courtroom with a boy, any boy, even your own brother, and not question his innocence. Too many women in the world have come forward. They have too many stories. What shocks me, and keeps shocking me, is that their stories are about men we know—loving men, caring men; men trusted by wives, revered by daughters. Men like Lawrence. Wives like Eleanor. Daughters like me. So, yes, I do have to wonder about Billy because I know, better than most, that anyone is capable of anything. Tap deeply enough, and you’ll find we’re all monsters below the surface.

45

THE DAY ENDS ON A SOMBER NOTE. WE LOWER OUR EYES and quietly file out of the courtroom. One by one, people look away from Billy, who’s become tainted, radioactive. The tide has turned against us; I can feel it.

I’m deluged by memories. I’m a senior in high school. Lawrence and I are a couple, sweethearts. We are together, in the same house, eating the same meals, but we’re also separate. He’s still married to Eleanor, though he will soon leave her. “After college,” he promises. “It will be easier.” Plus, after college, I’ll be closer to my king’s ransom, and we won’t need Eleanor’s money. “Just wait a little longer.” He pauses. “Please.”

Most women wouldn’t believe Lawrence, but I know I can. I’ve known him my whole life, and we’ve been Lawrence + Cassie since I was twelve. Not sexually, not in the beginning. Intimately. Privately. Look at all we survived: missed connections, jealousy, suffocation, his refusals, my meltdown. Waiting. More waiting. But along the way we had the park, the ducks. And each other. Besides, what choice do I have? To say no isn’t an option; the idea never even occurs to me.

“Okay,” I agree. “I’ll wait.”