i will swallow them,

myself.

something tells me

sometimes you sit—

feel the sun on your lips, close your eyes,

feel the wind brush your nose and cheeks

feel your lashes sing.

you watch the clouds,

one by one. you say aloud,

“sit here.”

“feel the moment.”

you hum, out loud.

and you hum. and you hum.

sometimes—you

seek serenity.

sometimes you—

seek tranquility.

you think back to a happy place.

you sit in your memories.

you hug them with all you’ve got.

you say, “it’s been a while.”

you smile. you grasp the grass.

you breathe deeply.

you—snap back to reality.

something tells me you want to be loved—

you want to be touched intensely.

something tells me you hate it here

you hate waiting.

open to love // you wear your mask out of fear

you visit bars, visit parks

visit art walk shows.

nobody knows the real you

so you pretend.

god you pretend.

pretending to like the meals.

pretend to enjoy the night.

you say—tonight’s the night i let loose.

you unwind

you feel yourself;

til you make it home alone.

something tells me

you’re tired of making a home of your own

you wanna share space for once.

well—i’ve been holding space for you

i wanna love you.

sometimes i wanna sit.

i wanna nitpick your attributes..

i wanna love you in your language.

i’ll say, “let’s look up at the sky . . .

i want us to look in each other’s eyes

while the moon is lit.”

i’ll say, “let’s count our blessings,

i’ll go first.

god,

help me protect this man.

help me keep him near.

our souls at unity

at one with each other.

our bond is rare,

i’m blessed—

i don’t sleep on that”

then i’ll ask you, “where do you go?”

“when you’re inside your head.”

“are you away from me there?”

“are you still playing pretend?”

“do you wait for me there?”

“do you wonder where i go

when i’m nowhere near?”

sometimes i seek serenity

sometimes i seek tranquility

i think back to a happy place.

i sit in my memories

i hug them with all i’ve got.

i say.. it’s been a while

i smile. i grasp the grass;

i breathe deeply.

my dreams are my reality.

and beyond

i’m not ashamed

to grow old

to pile dust

throughout my wings

to fall short

once i get up to fly

i’m not afraid to fall ill

to ache all over

if it’s true

i’ve lived a life

full of laughter

i’m not swayed

by the common things

i desire a love that dips

seven feet deep; feelings

too obscure to make out

i’m not saying

i’m not apprehensive

about what’s on the other side;

i’m saying, you give me

the courage to commit

and, when you’re ready to go

somewhere beyond here, and this,

i’d love to come with.

nectar of life

i have no desire

to journey

in a rush.

all the sweet

things in life