today feels like death.

today feels like death

tonight feels like war is coming.

circle back

heartbreak

after heartbreak,

heart never

finding its way

back to full.

void of course

i am a woman

whose father is a black man.

i am a woman

raising a black man.

i am a woman

who is in love with a black man.

i am a woman

who loves on black men.

i am a black woman

who bears the weight

of us both.

who is harder to love.

my complexion

thrown back at me.

the skin on my body.

the melanin on my face.

it’s color. it’s shade.

so for now i mark “other.”

you see, the world

advocates for womxn.

loves to go on and spew

about our strength.

black men in power

—feminists, they say.

we should all

be feminists, they say.

we should ride

’til the wheels fall off.

the black men

in our lives,

they love them

some black women.

doesn’t stop them

from cheating.

doesn’t stop them

from leaving

when the war begins.

the black men

in our lives,

they love them

some black women.

doesn’t stop them from

raising their voice.

doesn’t stop them

from reminding us

our grace stems from silence.

our voice runs void,

our feelings senseless

or out of place.

the black men

in our lives, sure..

they LOVE women.

but won’t support

our kind the same way.

won’t respect us the same.

they won’t deal

with too much.

i seen it up-close

when my daddy said

—don’t follow them.

don’t learn from them.

don’t copy their habits,

you’re different.

almost as if he were

giving me permission

to judge the women

who looked like me.

almost as if he were

judging me.. almost,

as if he were saying

neglect this side.

almost as if he were

saying don’t look like them.

don’t look toward them.

don’t let them be the influence.

i seen it up-close

when my daddy said

don’t be like them,

you’re different.

i seen the trauma pour out.

the black women

in his life,

always let him down.

so he put a face

on disappointment

and labeled it a black woman.

he chose to suffer

somewhere else.

somewhere nude toned.

somewhere unfamiliar.

i seen it up close

when my daddy

chose to suffer

in the arms of a

woman WE tried

to save him from.

if my concern is offensive

we are better off at a distance.

i cannot love in any other way.

in general

toxicity has no face.

abuse has no face.

trauma has no face.

manipulation

can breed in anyone.

manipulation

can damage anyone.

tables turn

it’s hard to keep your silence

when you’re tempted not to.

never was the type to share

my feelings off rip. a lot of

heartbreak in this world.

a lot of heartbreak around the

world. a lot of losing our heroes.

black women

make the world go round

—can make shit stop, too.

what power

what power

do the men hold