We don’t say anything for a while, and there’s no sound, just the quiet hum of the handheld camera and me sobbing quietly. After a few minutes, production turns the lights back off. Corey holds me, running his fingers through my hair. I know it sounds crazy, but as sad as I am right now, I don’t want this moment to end. I can deal with this as long as he’s here with me—it’s the stuff that’s going to come next that’ll be the hardest.

It’s Corey who speaks first. “You know we’ll always be friends, Al. We’ll always be in each other’s lives.” I look up and nod, unable to speak. “I think you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”

That’s how we fall asleep. Him holding me tight as I cry into his shirt, and me wondering why he said all those things now, when it’s too late, and why the right thing to do is always the hardest.

NOW

His flight wasn’t leaving until Monday morning, and so we had all day Sunday to hang out while we were broken up. Surprisingly, it wasn’t weird. We went out to eat, saw a movie, went to the mall, and didn’t fight once. On Sunday night, he wanted to sleep on the couch, but I wanted him in my bed. We didn’t have sex or anything—we didn’t even kiss. I just wanted him there because it would feel even weirder if he wasn’t.

On Monday morning I took him to the airport and watched him walk toward the gate. He turned around to wave, and I waved back. I know you’re never supposed to look back, that that’s the number one rule of any change, but I was glad he did.

Once he was completely out of sight, I went into the bathroom of that airport and cried for twenty minutes, harder than I’d ever cried before. I used a whole roll of toilet paper. My body was shaking so hard, I was afraid I would break.

I know, I know, I was having feelings for someone else and it was time for Corey and I to end. But that didn’t make it any easier. He had been the biggest part of my life for two years. He was so hard to let go of, and I didn’t know if my heart would ever feel better. If I wasn’t Corey’s Girlfriend, if I didn’t have him, then who was I? I felt completely alone for the first time in a really long time. Maybe ever.

THEN

REACTION TO COREY AND I BREAKING UP (A SUMMARY):

MY DAD: Maybe you guys could try relationship counseling.