FTLOUIE: Um. I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.

ILUVROMANCE: YOU HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT IT??? THE MOST ROMANTIC HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR???? YOUR FIRST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER WITH AN ACTUAL BOYFRIEND, AND YOU HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO FOR IT YET?????

FTLOUIE: No. I guess that’s bad, huh? Maybe I should get him a card….

ILUVROMANCE: Not just a card, Mia. Don’t you see? This Valentine’s Day has special meaning for the both of you, because it’s your first as a couple. If you don’t plan it exactly right—a romantic dinner, exchange of Valentine’s Day gifts, a kiss—Dr. Steve’s prediction will come true FOR SURE, and you’ll end up with some Leo Boy.

FTLOUIE: VALENTINE’S GIFT???? I just got done being grounded for stealing those moon rocks for Michael’s birthday. What am I going to come up with to give him for VALENTINE’S DAY???? What do girls even GIVE guys for Valentine’s Day???? Aren’t THEY the ones who are supposed to give US stuff?

ILUVROMANCE: For your first Valentine’s Day as a couple, you should give him SOMETHING. Like a book. Or a sweater.

FTLOUIE: A SWEATER??? DOES IT HAVE TO BE CASHMERE???? Because I’m totally broke. I spent all my allowance on new vegan Doc lookalikes from Pangea.

ILUVROMANCE: I was just using a sweater as an example. What about a CD?

FTLOUIE: Tina, he’s a MUSICIAN. When he wants a CD, he goes out and buys it. There’s nothing Michael wants that he doesn’t have. Except moon rocks. And I already got him those.

ILUVROMANCE: Well, there has to be SOMETHING. Look, I’ll think about it and get back to you. But I can’t stress enough to you how important this is, Mia. Especially in light of what Dr. Steve said. You have to make this first Valentine’s Day with Michael perfect, or you’ll end up with Leo Boy. Whoever he is. Or, worse, you’ll end up alone. Like me.

FTLOUIE: Tina! Don’t worry! Your Valentine is out there somewhere! We just have to find him for you.

ILUVROMANCE: No, Mia, it’s all right. All the best guys are taken. I’m all right, really. I’m going to use this Valentine’s Day to celebrate my romance with ME. Because you have to learn to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.

FTLOUIE: True!

Poor Tina. I HATE that stupid Dave. He better hope he doesn’t run into me anytime soon. Lars got a new taser for Christmas, and he’s been itching to try it out on someone.

God. Why does everything have to be so COMPLICATED? Just when I thought things were starting to go fine for a change, some stupid psychic has to come around and ruin it.

That is just so my luck.

And as usual, it’s all Grandmère’s fault. Why’d she have to go and hire a stupid astrologist anyway? Why can’t she hire a chiropractor, like a normal grandma?

Wednesday, February 12, Algebra

So I tried to be all subtle in the car on the way to school. You know, about the whole Valentine’s Day thing? After Michael and Lilly got into the limo—and I got over how cute Michael looked with his neck all newly shaved and pink and gorgeous…God, it is totally UNFAIR that anyone should look that good in the morning—I was all, “So, Lilly. What are you and Boris doing for Valentine’s Day?” You know, super casually, and everything.