AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 14, G&T

Lunch was totally magical today!!!!

Okay, first of all, Tina and I were in front of Lana in the lunch line again, and while we were standing there, Lana’s cell phone rang, and she answered it, and was all, “Oh, hi, Josh,” in this gross syrupy voice.

And so I looked at Tina and pretended to stick my finger down my throat, you know, like I was barfing. Which cracked Tina up.

But then Lana’s voice got all high-pitched and wobbly, and she was like, “What do you mean, you pulled a groin muscle?” and it turned out Josh was calling her from the Cabrini emergency room, which is where he was taken after third period when he could no longer take the excruciating pain in his upper thigh a second longer. Apparently, he’d pulled something at basketball practice the night before, but the throbbing didn’t get really bad until Trig class the next day.

Which just goes to show that nothing good ever comes from canceling plans with a girlfriend because suddenly you got a date, the way Lana did to Trish when Josh asked her out. Karma really is a bitch.

“Why didn’t you apply heat to it immediately?” Lana demanded.

But we never got to hear the answer to that, because I guess that’s when Josh broke the news that he had to stay home and ice his groin and wouldn’t be able to take Lana to One if by Land, Two if by Sea for their romantic fireside Valentine’s dinner.

I swear they must have been able to hear Lana’s anguished scream all the way down in Battery Park City.

As if that weren’t perfect enough, as Lana was calling Josh terrible names for wrecking his groin on their first Valentine’s Day as a couple, the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili came by with his tray, and Lana flung out one arm a little too dramatically, and hit the Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili’s tray, and his taco salad went sailing through the air, and ended up all over Lana.

Seriously. There was salsa in her hair.

What could Tina and I do but high-five each other?

But amazingly, things got even BETTER after that. Because Michael actually skipped his Computer Club meeting to sit next to me!!!!!

I couldn’t believe it, but suddenly, there he was, saying he obviously couldn’t trust the male population of Albert Einstein High School not to scam on his girlfriend while his back was turned, so he was going to guard me with his life!!!! Because of Kenny and the Whitman’s Sampler!!!!!!

Which I thought was so cute—even though, okay, as a feminist I should have been offended because, of course, I don’t need any man to defend me from the unwanted advances of others, since I am perfectly capable of applying a well-placed heel to the testicular area, like Lars showed me that time we were doing krav maga self-defense techniques in the event someone should try to kidnap me—I suddenly forgot all about my shyness over giving him the Valentine I’d made, and my fears over how dorky he—and everyone else at my lunch table—might think it is. Instead, I just pulled it out of my backpack, and handed it to him.