And what if Grandmère becomes some sort of slave to Dr. Steve, and decides to follow him around the globe, like he’s her guru?

Whoa. I might never have princess lessons again.

YIPPEE!!!!

No, wait, that’s no good. I mean, not about the princess lessons, but about my grandma being bamboozled by some flimflam astrologist. Should I call Dad?

Yeah, I guess I should.

Well, maybe next week. It’ll be nice to have the next few days off from princess lessons so I can concentrate on what I’m going to do about Michael and Valentine’s Day.

God. And I thought, once I finally got Michael to fall in love with me, all my problems would be solved. HA!

Wednesday, February 12, 10 p.m., the loft

I just asked Mom what she and Mr. Gianini were doing for Valentine’s Day, and she just laughed in an evil way and went, “Nothing.”

Mr. Gianini was in the room at the time, sorting laundry, and he looked all hurt and said, “What do you mean, nothing? I’m taking you out!”

Which just caused Mom to raise her feet from where she was resting them on, like, twenty pillows and go, “Not with these swollen ankles, bub.”

“Fine, then,” Mr. Gianini said. “We’ll order in. But we’re doing something for Valentine’s Day, Helen.”

And then my mom forgot her pregnancy hormone rage and looked at him all dewy-eyed and went, “Oh, honey,” and Mr. G looked all lovey-dovey back at her.

And I had to leave the room really quick before I gagged.

It’s so not fair. Even my MOM has a Valentine. And Mr. G, while he may not be a genius, is a really smart guy. How come HE believes in Valentine’s Day, and Michael doesn’t? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MICHAEL??? Did he have some horrible Valentine’s Day experience that scarred him for life? Did he once sustain some hideous paper cut opening a Valentine? That wouldn’t stop bleeding? And he ended up in the hospital? And had to get stitches? WHAT IS IT ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY THAT HE HATES SO MUCH?

Oh, great, his sister is IMing me. Maybe she can help clear this up.

WOMYNRULE: Hey. I need help constructing my diorama depicting the hijra. Can I borrow your old Ken dolls?

FTLOUIE: Is this for your self-mutilation thing?

WOMYNRULE: Yeah….

FTLOUIE: No, you can’t borrow my Ken dolls! You’re just going to cut pieces off them!

WOMYNRULE: No, I’m not. See, the hijra are eunuchs in India, who’ve had both their testes and penis removed. They go around blessing brides and grooms at weddings. And you know Ken is totally smooth down there. So he’ll be perfect.

FTLOUIE: Oh. Also, gross. Well, I guess in that case, you can borrow them. Can I ask you something, though? Something about Michael?

WOMYNRULE: Can I stop you, much as I might like to?

FTLOUIE: Why does Michael hate Valentine’s Day so much?

WOMYNRULE: Oh, God. Not this again.

FTLOUIE: Come on, Lilly, it’s our first Valentine’s Day together as a couple! MY first Valentine’s Day when I actually have a Valentine. And Michael doesn’t want any part of it. WHY?????