Who knew a bunch of cabinet members could be so touchy? You’d think they’d be a little more grateful. It’s only a matter of time until the constant barrage of tourists from U.S. cruise ships completely destroys Genovia’s fragile infrastructure. We’ve got to start seeking revenue elsewhere, and phase out the cruise ships, or Genovia’s going to start sinking, just like Venice.

God, being a princess is hard.

Tuesday, February 11, 10 p.m., the loft

Okay, so it was a mistake to IM Tina Hakim Baba and tell her what Dr. Steve said. I mean, I only told her because I thought it was funny, and Tina needs cheering up these days because Valentine’s is only three days away and she still doesn’t have anyone to exchange cards and Whitman’s Samplers with, let alone someone to give her a genuine simulated ruby-encrusted heart pendant from Kay Jewelers (Every Kiss Begins with Kay), since Dave Farouq El-Abar dumped her for a girl named Jasmine, who has turquoise braces (and they didn’t even last. Tina said she saw him at Serendipity 3 last weekend sharing a frozen hot chocolate with some girl with no braces and a blow-out).

Anyway, I expected her to be all, “Don’t listen to Dr. Steve! He’s wrong!” Only that’s not how she reacted.

ILUVROMANCE: Seriously, Mia, you have to DO something. Dr. Steve is one of America’s premier astrologists! He correctly predicted that ’NSync would break up!

FTLOUIE: Well, if he’s that good, I guess there’s nothing I can do, is there? Except lie back and accept my fate.

I was totally joking. I forgot that sarcasm is usually totally lost on Tina.

ILUVROMANCE: No!!! That’s the WORST thing you could do!!!! What is wrong with you, Mia? You’ve got to FIGHT!!! FIGHT FOR THE MAN YOU LOVE.

FTLOUIE: Tina, how can I fight for the man I love when I don’t even know what I’m fighting against? I mean, not that I believe anything Dr. Steve said has any merit. Don’t forget, he says someone’s going to propose to Grandmère. Who’d be stupid enough to do THAT?

ILUVROMANCE: Your grandfather, for one. Listen, all this means is that you have to be REALLY careful. Don’t give Michael any reason to dump you—the way I did with Dave.

FTLOUIE: Tina! You did not give Dave a reason to dump you! He just dumped you because he’s an immature jerk!

ILUVROMANCE: No, Mia. Enough time has passed since our breakup for me to see now where I went wrong. I let Dave slip through my fingers by trying to play it cool, since he was so afraid of commitment. But I see now what I should have done was give him a REASON to WANT TO COMMIT to me.

FTLOUIE: You mean like…SLEEP WITH HIM???? But, Tina, you promised you and I would be the last virgins at AEHS! I thought we were saving ourselves until the night of our senior prom!!!!

ILUVROMANCE: Of course that’s not what I mean, Mia! There are lots of ways to get a boy to want to commit to you without having to resort to THAT. I mean by showing him that you care in OTHER ways. Like, well, for instance, what are you and Michael doing for Valentine’s Day?