WOMYNRULE: He told you WHY. He thinks it’s a stupid holiday invented by the greeting card companies to take advantage of simple-minded schmos like you.

FTLOUIE: Mr. G and my mom are doing something for Valentine’s Day, and they are not simple-minded schmos.

WOMYNRULE: I meant simple-minded schmo figuratively. Look, Mia, I know how much you want one of those genuine simulated ruby heart pendants from Kay Jewelers (snerk), but Michael isn’t the simulated-ruby-heart-pendant type.

I can’t believe she mentioned the simulated ruby heart pendant! The one Boris got her! Does she know about it, somehow? Or was she just being sarcastic? Why did she write snerk after it? Does she really think they’re dorky? What’s she going to do when Boris gives her the one he got her? Is she going to say snerk out loud? That will break Boris’s heart!

FTLOUIE: I don’t see what’s wrong with those ruby heart pendants. I think they’re pretty!!!! I’d be totally touched if a boy gave me one.

WOMYNRULE: You would. But don’t expect one from Michael. He’s not the simulated-ruby type. In fact, he’s not the Valentine’s-Day type. I can’t believe you haven’t realized that by now.

Not the Valentine’s-Day type? What does that even mean? How can someone not be the Valentine’s-Day type? Valentine’s Day is all about flowers and chocolate and funny cards. Who doesn’t like those kinds of things? WHO????

God, what if Dr. Steve’s prediction about my ending up with a Leo is right? Because I really don’t see how two people with such very different opinions about a holiday could ever end up working it out and staying together. I mean, if I give Michael a Valentine, he’ll think I’m a simple-minded schmo. And if he doesn’t give me one, I’m going to feel like he’s an uncaring jerk (well, I will).

And then some LEO is going to move in and sweep me off my feet!

Why can’t Michael see that by refusing to participate in Valentine’s Day, he could be threatening our future happiness??????

Thursday, February 13, Algebra

Today, before class, I went up to Mr. G and was like, “Can I talk to you?” and he went, “Mia, if you’re about to tell me you didn’t finish all the problems at the end of the chapter, when I happen to know you were up until eleven o’clock IMing with Lilly—”

“No, I finished them,” I explained hastily. God, it sucks to have to live with your Algebra teacher. “What I wanted to know was, um, have you always believed in Valentine’s Day? Or just since you started seeing my mom?”

Mr. G looked at me kind of funny, but he seemed to give the matter some thought. “Well, no, I can’t say I have always been a proponent of Valentine’s Day. But now that I’m with your mother, I think it’s a nice way to acknowledge her and what she means to me.”

“See!” I said. “That’s how I feel! But Michael is, like, totally anti–Valentine’s Day! How can I get him to realize it’s a perfectly legitimate holiday?”