I look at her.

Take a breath.

‘He was pretty upset.

I thought he’d be mad at me for not telling him

about Mam leaving,

but he was more angry with himself.

So he came up with this idea

for Jonah and me to stay together.

For me to get some

help

looking after him …’

Her eyes.

Her eyes.

He looks afraid, but I don’t know why. I shake him.

‘But this is great news! So great, Rowan. You can go to art school. You can –’

I clear my throat.

‘He says he’s got room for Jonah and me.

At his.’

‘But …’ I still don’t know why it looks like he’s breaking.

He takes his other hand and sandwiches mine between his.

‘His. In …

In Australia,

Alice.’

And – oh. I remember now.

My gut wrenches like I’m falling.

I want to push him away. I want to cling on to him. I want to rip and scream and dance and shout up to the sky that I don’t want him to go. Not there. Not that far away. Not when I’ve finally got him here with me, Living inside my own lines.

He looks at me and I can feel all of the same words breaking inside of him like waves and –

And I don’t think.

For once – for once – I just listen to my body.

I grab his collar –

Push myself forward –

And –

Lips.

Her lips.

Her lips are on mine and

she’s kissing me.

And it’s unexpected.

And sudden.

But …

He kisses me back.

And it feels like we’re hurtling towards something huge. Like we’re drowning. Like we’re falling down down down.

Like anything – anything – is possible.

I pull her towards me

and there’s something

quick.

Hungry.

And her hands are in my hair.

And my hands are wrapped round her.

And we’re sinking into something that could be

something.

Really something.

But …

I pull my head away, but we keep our hands together.

‘You’re going to live in Australia.’

I could stay for her.

I could keep my stupid job at the golf.

I could try.

‘I don’t have to go,

you know.’

I spit out an impossible smile and our foreheads meet in the middle.

‘Yes, you do.’ My heart. Aches.

‘But – what about you?’

I squeeze her hands.

I crack a laugh. Pull back. Look at him worrying about me. And I use a spoon to lift my thumb and iron out that crease above his eyes.

‘Don’t you know? All sorts of adventures can be had from a bed, Rowan.’

I nod.

‘I’ll stream for you

from Australia.

I’ll learn how to dive.

I’ll –’

I run my finger along the edge of his jaw. My body is screaming at me to shut up talking and run my lips along his lines instead.

But.

But.