My voice squeaks and then he’s coming into the room and he’s here. Right in front of me. And I have enough spoons to see now how tall he is. How his hair sits on his shoulders, finger-combed and mahogany brown. The way his clothes fit loosely on him, how he holds himself awkwardly to the side, and the way he plays with the cords of his hoodie as he looks at me, too, and sees me, in this bed.

Me. Alice.

It’s Alice.

Her eyes are open and

W I D E,

gulping me in.

And I kind of want to

hide away.

But then I also want to

gulp her in right back.

‘Um … hi.’

I smile and he smiles back and something inside me flips.

There’s a beat of silence and panic hiccups in my chest, making my hand lift up of its own accord and stretch over to him.

‘Hello,’ I say in a mock-serious voice. ‘I’m Alice. Pleased to meet you, sir.’

She bites her lip.

‘Alice,’ I smile.

I stride forward,

take her hand in mine.

Shake it.

‘Rowan.’

He looks at me. Not at the strange mechanical bed, or the fact I’m lying in it while he’s standing, but at Me. Into my eyes. Deep down inside.

‘Sit,’ I say, moving my leg a little.

I feel a wave of panic because

I’m sitting on her BED.

And I’m so busy thinking about what that means,

I forget to let go of her hand

So we’re frozen, mid-shake.

We look at each other and laugh – our hands held together between us like we’re afraid to let go.

Instead, I twist my hand out of his – spinning my skin against his until our palms are flat against each other, joined in the middle.

I suck in a breath as she

looks at me.

‘Sort of feels a bit

impossible,

this, doesn’t it?

Like I already know you.’

I bite my lip. ‘You do know me.’

His hands are on my hands and I can feel his skin and it’s making my heart beat out of my chest.

‘You’ve been okay?’ I squeak.

I know what she’s asking.

She’s asking about the

last time she saw me.

When nothing was okay.

I swallow.

‘I did what you said.

I called Dad.

Told him what’s been going on.’

‘Oh,’ I say, hooking my fingers round his. ‘And?’

Her eyes are like oceans.

And telling her is harder

than I thought it would be.

For a girl

I’ve only really met

once.

‘What did he say?’

I grip his hand. Pull myself forward slightly towards him, so I can smell the mint on his breath.