I stand and read.

‘“Mantis shrimps can see

T E N T I M E S

as many colours as humans.

Their punch is as forceful

and fifty times faster

than the blink of an eye.

Their limbs cause bubbles to collapse as

micro-implosions in the water

that reach temperatures close to

the surface of the sun.”

Um …’

We bend down again

to look at the puny shrimp.

‘That little thing

can do all that?’

I smile. ‘I told you the sea is full of wonders.’

She says it like she thinks

maybe I can be that, too.

I look up at a sign above the door next to us.

‘I want to try something.

Something like

“wonderful”.’

My breath quickens and I’m not sure why.

‘Okay …’

‘I’m gonna cut the stream for a bit, okay?’

‘Oh …’

She doesn’t like that idea,

but she will when she sees.

‘Only for a moment.

I want to show you something

and it’ll be more impressive

if you just tune in when it’s happening.

And maybe –

maybe imagine that you really are

M E.’

Someone a ghost girl

thinks could be wonderful.

I grumble, wondering about all the Living I’ll be missing in those moments that he’s gone. But he takes it as a yes, and I see his thumb reaching up before the screen goes black.

Rowan is no longer streaming.

42

Alice

I’m spat back into my bed again and I feel sick. And that means that I should stop the stream now and get some rest.

I swallow. Close my eyes.

Rowan’s asked me to imagine that I’m him. Not as a watcher, or even as a ‘we’. As an ‘I’. And I want to be an ‘I’ in a body that can crouch down to watch rays and then race down corridors and then – well. Do whatever it is that he’s about to do. Something wonderful.

But I remember what happened last time I lost track of my spoons. And Mum’s right – I do need to be careful.

Going to the Aquatic Centre with Rowan = 3 spoons

I grip the laptop like a float and hope it’s enough to keep me on the surface. Just for a moment longer. Just for this. Please.

I see Rowan switch from offline to online. And I click before my shaking hands become hands that don’t move at all.

Connecting to Rowan …

43

Rowan Me

And now I am … I am underwater.

And I’m not Rowan.

I am Me.

I am lying on the seabed, looking up at a bright light that’s like the sun. The light refracts as the water waves, making it seem as though white flames are burning the edges of my eyes.

And above me. Around me. Everywhere. Are fish. Fish of all colours. Of all types.