“Don’t,” Zadie said, backing out of her mother’s reach. “Don’t apologize. I just want to know why. Why’d you leave me there?” This was her mother’s chance. If she came clean, Zadie would have forgiven her. She would have helped her overcome whatever it was that had turned her mom into a stranger. But when Nora didn’t answer, Zadie said, “You know what … don’t bother. I don’t wanna know.” Then she marched down the hall to her room and slammed the door behind her.

FIFTEEN A WELL-TRAVELED HAT

It was one of those dreams you know isn’t real.

Finn clawed her way out from underneath the covers of a bed. A quick inspection of her hands revealed a complexion several shades lighter than her own; black nail polish; a jute friendship bracelet that she recognized as once belonging to her sister. The Joan Jett poster tacked to the inside of the door confirmed Finn’s suspicion: in this dream, she was Zadie.

Cooool, she thought. Finn had never had an echo of her sister. Zadie’s memory was like one of those secret doors with a sliding window in which a pair of suspicious eyes asks you for the password. Finn had promised never to use the password, so her mind must have invented a memory of Zadie’s for her to explore. Dream Finn had no qualms about this. Dream Finn was a lot less considerate.

An unsteady feeling caused Finn/Zadie to sit up. She didn’t feel dizzy exactly, just off-center. Her stomach lurched like she was falling. Then she stood on wobbly feet and swung open the bedroom door.

In front of her: an empty hallway, mustard-yellow carpet, photos on the walls, a clock somewhere was counting seconds like pennies: click, click, click. At the end of the hallway was a staircase, and beside the staircase was a window shaped like a piece of honeycomb. The light that filtered through it was the color we think honey is (gold), not what it really is (brown).

Finn/Zadie was now walking down that hallway, her feet pillowed by the ugly carpet that their mother couldn’t afford to replace. The yellow brick road, that’s what Nora had called it, and so they had held hands and skipped. We’re off to see the wizard! Her sister and mother used to sing together. Finn had forgotten that.

But that was the past. Finn/Zadie was more interested in the future. She reached the golden staircase and began her descent.

Suddenly her childhood home vanished and Finn was back in her bed at the Indigo Motel. She flopped onto her side to face the bed next to hers. All she could see of her sister was a tuft of hair sticking out from underneath the duvet like one of Goldilocks’s bears. It was only a dream, not a real memory, but Finn felt guilty nonetheless.