What makes me especially hateful?

It reminds me of that song that Cain sang at the gig. What did he say?

Bad luck and trouble

Are my only friends.

I’ve been down since I began to crawl

If it wasn’t for bad luck,

I wouldn’t have no luck at all.

That’s me. My life is over.

At afternoon break, Gudrun bobbed into Monty’s reading forum and said, “Vaisey, Jo, Flossie, and Lullah, there’s a telephone call for you, in Sidone’s office.”

What?

Flossie said, “Ah, it’ll be Hollywood calling, dahlings; they’ve heard about my tights juggling.”

Sidone was on the phone when we went in. Wearing a feather boa. She was talking to someone and saying, “Darling, darling, they’re here. Give my regards to Tinseltown. Ciao!” She cradled the receiver to her bosom. “It’s our golden girl, Honey, calling!”

Flossie reached for the phone and said, “It is Hollywood calling!”

Sidone was gripping on to it. “We’ve had a lovely chat. So many memories came rushing back. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that I had a small part in 2001: A Space Odyssey. I was flown over for the filming and I remember I had my fur bikini made at a costumier in downtown Hollywood. Now what was the name . . . ?”

We all stared at her, thinking, Come on, give us the bloody phone!!!

At last she handed it over and we all put our ears near.

We heard Honey’s voice, “Itth me!!!!”

Sidone said, “You’ve got all break to speak to the dear girl. I’ll be back after.”

We all shouted down the phone at the same time.

“We love you!”

“I miss you.”

“Is it hot?”

“Phil broke into the dorm and fell through the potting shed.”

“Bob’s joined The Iron Pies!”

“Dr. Lightowler hates me!”

“Seth snogged me!”

Until, in a pause, we hear her say, “Thpeak thloly! And one at a time tho I can hear you.”

Flossie shoved us aside and grabbed the phone. She said, “Seth snogged me! Do you remember the Hinchcliffs? And Lullah let Cain snog her. On the moors!”

We could hear Honey laughing as we crowded near the receiver.

“I have my vewy own thervant boy. He getth me things. Itth nithe.”

Jo said, “What, is he sort of like Bob?”

Honey giggled. “Ith Bob weawing thpeedos?”

Urgh, what a thought!

She told us about her screen tests, and that she has a little part in a film called Madame Gigi’s School of Love. She’s having such a great time. It seems a long way from playing Merrylegs at falling-down Dother Hall.

Her film is about Madame Gigi teaching about boys and how to get what you want from them. And how to teach them to snog properly. And how to train boys. Wow.

She said, “The good thing ith, itth only a film, but it weally workth. I have thwee boyfwends awready on the go and they’re coming along nithely. One’th got blond hair, he’th a thurfer, one’th got dark hair, he’th a muthician, and one’th ginger.”