Back The Realistic Joneses
Chapters (19)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. Production History
  6. Characters
  7. Scene 1
  8. Scene 2
  9. Scene 3
  10. Scene 4
  11. Scene 5
  12. Scene 6
  13. Scene 7
  14. Scene 8
  15. Scene 9
  16. Scene 10
  17. Scene 11
  18. Scene 12
  19. About the Author

PONY: People don’t normally let me in. Or, I don’t like going in. It made me feel sort of, I don’t know, good. Not like a good person, but, a little bit. Like you’re this little kid or weird animal.

BOB: Again, yeah, that’s so great.

PONY: I’m trying to branch out. This was one of my branchings out.

BOB: Good.

PONY: I’m trying to face things. I mean, not everything. Oh my God, can you imagine—one person facing everything? But, it feels good.

BOB: It’s been a positive, for me, overall.

PONY: Oh, that’s so beautiful.

BOB: I could say it with more emotion.

PONY: No, that’s fine. I’m important to John.

BOB: I know. I’m just saying, it made me feel better. Like, healthy.

PONY: I’m glad. But this was part of a bigger picture.

BOB: Okay. It was?

PONY: At first, I felt guilty, and then John and I rented a canoe. His shirt was all buttoned wrong and he was chewing a toothpick and I thought we were going to drown. He looked like he had a big secret and I wondered if I did, too. We were laughing and everything was great. It felt right. Just being together and not drowning.

BOB: That sounds great, but, I don’t know . . . I’m a living person.

PONY: I know.

BOB: So life goes on, I guess.

PONY: I guess so. I guess so. And that’s beautiful. I don’t really have an attention span.

BOB: So, this is over?

PONY: I hate when people use the word “this.”

BOB: People use that word a lot.

PONY: I did a bad job at a bad thing. I don’t feel bad about that.

BOB: I know I get confused. And, I’m confused now.

PONY (Brief pause): I think John wants to take things to the next level.

BOB: You’re married.

PONY: There’s still levels.

JENNIFER (Enters with bottles of water): What’s with the hushed tones? You should have one of these.

BOB: Thank you, sweetheart.

JENNIFER: Oh. Well, you are very welcome, sweetheart.

(John, not looking too well, enters from the side of Bob and Jennifer’s house.)

Hey, John. We were getting worried.

PONY: No, we weren’t.

JOHN: Hey.

PONY: What time does the fair start?

JOHN: It’s just fried food and kids running around. It doesn’t really “start.”

BOB: Yeah, it does. They had a pancake breakfast, this morning.

JENNIFER: It’s a lot of fun. I don’t really like pancakes, though.

JOHN (High-pitched and slightly elongated “What?” as in “Are you kidding me?”): Whhaattt? (Very brief pause) No, seriously, what?, I didn’t hear you.

JENNIFER: Bob actually just got his hearing tested, the other day.

BOB: Why is that interesting?

JOHN: Did they give you this one? (He makes a medium-pitch tone, as in a hearing test) Dooooot.